11.12.05
Today is the most awaited day of my week.
SUNDAY!!!
As usual, the wacky yf peeps totally gave me a good laugh when playing reverse double wacko, the current most popular game in yf.
Too bad i wuz wearin a skirt, so cant really play v.well :P
got hit by jamie instead.
arghh!!!
but she's alwayz been better than me at games =)
alicia had a lot of fun too, n im really glad the P6s r lovin yf as much as i do.
i wuz quite touched when i went for yf coz it seemed lyk there were more ppl than usual. I dunno if UB4 did the job, but everyone wuz lyk more willing to participate n stuff.
Wheeeee.
Haha n the most awesome part wuz when Sixuan came along with minnie!!
In the morning before i left home, i wuz juz thinkin i'll only get to see her during carolling sessions now, so it wuz a really pleasant surprise for me when she turned up at hcmc.
No idea how long she'll stay, but i hope this isn't the last time :)
After playin, we watched a video of UB4 n it was WILD WILD WILD with laughter ^0^ alvin wuz lyk the main character n he's so darn mental. What he wuz doin totally DID NOT MAKE SENSE!!!
I think everyone wuz weak with laughter after watchin him. My sis wuz in his grp for UB4, n she said he's liddat behind the scenes too.
After church, my family n I went for lunch at chinatown where nothing much happened. Then we went home n the 3 of us slept for more than an hour.
Then we went jogging =)
Joyce stopped after 0.9km, n jamie slowed down, so only daddy n I continued joggin ahead. And i learnt a lot juz listening to him.
He said jogging is a form of relaxation.
Although it's physical, as long as you concentrate on steady breathin n on what you're doin, u can actually forget all ur earthly troubles n integrate into nature.
Wooo.
Cheem cheem cheem.
Haha but im used to such talks.
Coz i talk liddat sometimes :P
Anyway, i thot what he said makes sense,
then i asked if he's timing, he replied yes.
"But im not timing ur speed, im timing how fast im aging."
Isn't it amazing how grown ups can do such abstract talks?
That's why i lyk listening.
He explained that when he chats with his colleagues, they're alwayz impressed with his speed in jogging etc. But some of them would say, "Oh, i used to be able to run faster than that."
My dad told me this:
"Yes, they used to be able to run faster than me, but that wuz 20 yrs ago! We live in the present n for the future, what's the point of living in the memory of the past?"
*_* ...
... T_T
I've heard that before, but somehow, when he said it, it juz made such an impact on me.
Lyk, YES!! im gonna excel for the future~~
It's juz so inspiring n true.
Anyway, after joggin, jamie n daddy played badminton, n i accompanied joyce to the playground (we were at bukit batok nature park). I tried to tell her abt my childhood, when the family wuz still leavin in a HDB flat in Jurong East.
I told her how jamie n i used to play with other kidz at the playground n climb onto the monkey bars n sit there, watchin everyone.
But joyce doesnt appear too interested.
She kept sayin stuff lyk, "I can do that too mah."
N i realised she's really diff from me when i wuz young.
I enjoyed listenin to others' life/childhood stories, especially daddy n mummy's, even now, i still do. Some yf ppl might have the experience of me buggin them to tell me their love/life stories etc.
But joyce is different.
She doesnt really care.
It bothered me for a while, n even upset me a little, coz i really want to close the gap between us. Now, she's closer to jamie, n i want to do sth as her eldest sister. I wuz hopin that through my childhood stories, joyce would see herself reflected in me, or even realise that I, too, wuz once a child lyk her.
But no.
I guess im wrong.
Whatever i try do, whatever i hope to do,
it'll never change the fact that im never ever goin to be able to be closer to her than jamie.
I used to know how to play without a care for the world;
I used to lead jamie into funny games,
lyk building houses out of chairs n blankets;
I used to be a someone's best play mate,
I used to be a child.
Now, everything's change.
I've finally left my childhood.
It hurts a little, knowing that i can never play lyk joyce anymore.
It saddens me a bit, becoz i no longer hold the innocence of a child.
It stresses me quite a lot, now that i worry abt life probs.
Exams, relationship, parents' expectations, future career n money...
Is it possible to return to being a child?
Even for juz a day?
Oh man.
I feel lyk cryin now.
I really miss my carefree childhood.
And now i can do nth for joyce.
Becoz i've lost who i used to be.
Im a teen now.
But at least i've passed down all my crazy game ideas down to jamie, n i have no regrets, becoz now, i see myself reflected in her when she gets wild with joyce in the same games we used to play.
Except now jamie is startin to invent new games,
n one day, when she becomes a teen too,
joyce can lead other kids into games too.
So that the natural wild, fun loving spirit of this family will never die away. We will see it reflected in our kids, grandkids...
At least now i know why i seem to be far away from joyce.
it's becoz her world is different from mine.
Her world is a rainbow, with sunshine n daisies.
She doesnt think further than the next wk.
I think further than the next yr.
The least i can do now is give her attention when she needs it; help when she wants it; n guidance when she's lost.
I hope that when she becomes a teen,
she will understand that it's not i dun wanna be close to her,
it's juz that i cant.
And i hope she'll forgive me.
To all older siblings reading this, pls pls pls... if you can help it, sit down n talk to the younger ones when you have the time.
You never know how they feel.
Listen to what they have to say, n share with them your childhood stories.
It draws the family closer.
And sometimes, it's juz a little effort on your part.
I tried, n it didn't work.
But that doesn't mean it won't work for everyone.
Especially if there's only two kids in the family.
Let the younger ones know that you love them.
That's what i did,
n all i can do.
Don't wait till it's too late,
n the gap between you n them becomes permanently wide.
tranquility ; 12/11/2005 07:59:00 pm.
