28.12.05
when loneliness swells up inside, nothing can subside it...
except that special someone...
im not sure if this is a normal feeling, n im not sure if i should post this on my blog, but i really need to spill it out.
since this yr, there has been this empty hole inside me, lyk something is missing from my life. and it's something that cannot be replaced by family or friends. it's like a need.
when im happy or really busy, i don't really sense this need. but when i calm down n lay in bed at night, i juz keep thinkin.
i wish this feelin will come to me later in life, becoz right now, i juz wanna focus on my studies, social life n family bonding.
i tried satisfying this need once, n the result was close to disastrous.
i cannot make the same mistake.
it's not the time now, n i understand.
but they alwayz say you cant control your feelings.
aren't christians supposed to have inner peace n feel contented all the time? why do i still feel this strong desire?
i can only keep ignoring it, keep pushing it to the back of my mind... hoping it'll stay faded until the day my parents think im ready to face it.
but isn't there an easier way to deal with this? i know that God has it all planned out for me, n it makes me feel much better, but occassionally, the pulsing desire juz comes back like a ghost.
anyone reading this, if you know what im talkin abt n you have similar experience or you have some comments, tag/email/sms me to let me know.
coz right now, i think only my social life can keep me going.
hmm... i really miss the yfers now.
cant wait to see you guyz.
really.
Confessions of the Sinful teenager:~~
~> forgive me, O Merciful Father, for being unsatisfied with your undying love.
~> pardon me for losing my temper with my daddy and sisters today.
~> and im sorry for being impatient with what you have arranged for me in Life.
~> and also being harsh to a good friend who has been by my side all the time.
~> im deeply regretful for many other wrong doings...
Lord, Forgive Me
in everything that i do, Lord...
help me to be persistent...
and do it with faith and courage...
remind me of my blessings so i learn to be contented...
grant me inner peace...
and open my eyes so i see the need of others...
guide and lead me in Life...
AMEN.
tranquility ; 12/28/2005 08:12:00 pm.
