24.2.06
friday again. finally free to blog le. and it's the end of week EIGHT now. next wk will be the last wk of sch, then it'll be GRACES Lifeskills Camp for us(: haha my New Jersey fren made a good comment on our grp blog. she realised all of us are kindda gettin frantic, buying lovely gowns n lip gloss etc. then she asked if there'll be guyz, we said no, n debated whether it'll be better with or w/o them.
eventually, we decided us girlz r best left on our own ^.^ then this NJ fren said, if no guyz, then why r we dressing up so much for. i read it n thot it was a v.good n relevant point.
well perhaps it's a girl thing. dressing up, i mean. but i think she has a point there. r we dressing up for self satisfaction? gaining comfort in knowing that a particular gown looks good on us? or r we juz eager to show off our curves to our frens? to impress them?
this doesnt sound v.nice, but i cant think of any other reason why we would spend so much time dressing up, if there won't be outsiders there. of coz, some girlz juz dress up to match up to the atmosphere, n enjoy the whole formal dinner. but really, i feel too much fuss is being made.
it's almost like everyone in NY is turning into a bimbo. like, OH GOSHH!! I HAVEN'T BOUGHT HEELS *SCREAMS*
sighz...
guilty as charged...
yep, im one of those who r actually worried i wont have heels to match my gown, or lip gloss that goes well with it or wadeva. but i guess u can call it peer pressure. everyone's like this, so im influenced one way or another.
but im still proud to say im not a bimbo. yet. n i hope this'll last. there is absolutely nth wrong in being a bimbo. i juz personally prefer being a nerd :P
hmm... ahh yes.
finished Da Vinci Code within two dayz this wk. it was spellbinding n intriguing. i cant wait to launch a discussion on the bk with someone (no idea who yet. anyone who is willing to be a nerd too, i suppose).
while reading the bk, i did have several qns regarding the origin of the bible, n i did question the credibility of it. but amazingly, the bk didnt influence my faith in God negatively, neither did it change my perception of the ever holy Christ.
it seems to me that when ur faith has reached a certain point, u will be able to tell the Lies of Satan from the Truth of God. and nothing will turn you away from Him. after reading the bk, i feel pleasantly closer to the Lord, as though i had juz passed a particularly challenging test of faith.
my christian school mates were all discouraging me from reading, but i was captivated by the story plot already, n went on reading. r they afriad to read? becoz it's full of Lies? r they worried they're faith will change? if so, then their faith is not v.strong, i'd say.
i admit, when i read the part abt Jesus n Mary being a couple etc, i was fuming with these Lies, so much so that i slammed the bk down on my desk n my table partner stared at me wonderingly.
apparently, my fren, though a Non christian, wasnt affected by the bk either, becoz she skipped the part abt Jesus too. i guess the non believers r not concerned abt the religious part of the bk, they're more in for the story plot. so actually, the believers dont need to feel so strongly against the bk, becoz it's not really demonic or anything.
well, i believe this bk is written as a challenge for us Christians. in future, we might meet ppl who question us abt the origin of the bible, probably becoz they read the Da Vinci Code, n we muz be prepared for that.
so anyway, gtg for dinner now. loads more to talk abt, but no time now.
haiz.
so much work crammed into one weekend. i've got to choreograph 2 dances, one for my PE module, another for the class folk dance presentation on the last day of lifeskills camp. then ive got bio n physics assignment.
ahh. life.
tranquility ; 2/24/2006 06:44:00 pm.
20.2.06
haha.
32/50 for maths.
WHEE~!!!
since last yr, i've been failing or juz passing maths test. this is like a HUGE improvement for me, not to mention the fact that i've practically flunked ALL my maths quizzes. so im really beaming right now.
even Khooie, my maths tchr, who's super stingy with his praises n remarks, said that i have improved n he was SMILING :D he told me to keep it up!
YAYYY.
i scored a big V this time round.
gosh. i totally proved myself wrong.
I NOT STUPID!!
hahaz.
never found that phrase more useful than now. im ultra determined to study harder now. humans scholarship is practically in my reach if i continue.
of coz, still need lots of support n help from the yf seniors ^.^ thanks to all you good ppl for helping me in my work!!
oh yea.
there's still one last chem test haven get back yet. i dun have a good feeling abt this, but even if i fail this last one, i can still take some comfort knowing that i scored well for my other tests.
hmm. lookin forward to bangkok holiday trip. really hoping this will be a good bonding session for the family. we're like drifting apart le.
ok enough abt family. now fwenz.
quite a lot to say, but due to time constraints, i shall summarise:
basically, i have major probleming tolerating someone in class. she has little, practically zero, self discipline, procrastinates like siaoz, almost ALWAYZ doesnt complete her homework on time, delays n delays until she's practically always the last one who hands in the work.
n worst thing is, she NEVER gets into trouble for this little problem of hers.
the tchrs r always saying will deduct marks for late work, but this seems to never bother her, n she still gets relatively good marks for her assignments n tests. not much worse than me anyway.
Me. who studied n hands in work ON TIME.
dats so unfair.
n she's not even tryin to keep up with the class. she's really the type who'll choose fun over work. n the funny thing is, she can have fun WITHOUT being constantly bugged by the unfinished work at the back of her mind.
how did she do it??
another fren n i analysed this, n we think it's becoz she has a large circle of CAPABLE frens, who r like really good at studies. so she gets loads of help from them. she frequently gets her frens to do her reports n proposals for her.
sighz...
too bad for us outcasts then.
and i dunno wads MY problem with dat!!
i mean, come on.
it's HER problem, not mine, right?!
so why am i so agitated n totally PISSED??
i think it's the unfairness of everything. i kindda dao-ed her today. didnt feel like talkin to someone who wouldn't pull herself together n try to buck up.
i dunno...
im usually ok with accepting the weakness of others, but somehow, when it comes to her, i juz cant tolerate. she's not a bad girl. in fact, she's a really good fren in most wayz. this is juz a big problem of hers that i cant stand.
n she sits next to me in class. so it really puts a lid on top of everything.
haiz...
i know i know. i'll learn to let go n take things easy. it's not as though im Miss Perfect or wadeva. im sure she can find fault with me, if she wants. dats the strange thing abt this fren of mine.
she never finds fault with most ppl, unless they find fault with her first. im really impressed by this actually. not many ppl can do this.
wellz.
it's a two way friendship i guess. if im gonna sit next to her for the rest of the semester, i'd better start gettin used to her uh different way of approaching life.
tranquility ; 2/20/2006 07:50:00 pm.
19.2.06
haha i dumped the old christian layouts n decided to go for sth new.
im NOT backsliding kz.
though i might have, a few hrs ago.
dunno why.
juz sitting there in the audi, listening to the sermon n praying, juz suddenly questioned the existence of God.
dats so not right. i know.
but thankfully, He touched my soul n reminded me of my precious salvation.
so now im fine again.
im sure it was juz the devil messing with my mind.
my heart is still with HIM.
*woots!*
hmm nth much to report yet.
lookin forward to DA VINCI CODE MOVIE (:
gotta read the bk v.soon.
right now the biggest prob bugging me is my future career.
i have simply NO IDEA wad to do.
ok, i think i have TOO many ideas, till i dunno wad to do.
it's mainly also becoz of my crazily wide range of interest.
n im learning so many things now.
my life is so whacked up.
dunno wad dat means. juz feel like it's the correct word.
it's juz so eazy to be able to flip open a bk called Your Future, n juz see wad's in stored for me.
SO EASY.
but not possible.
we make our own choices.
n decide for our own future.
*headache*
sighx...
juz have to P.U.S.H i guess... (PrayUntilSomethingHappens)
oh wellz.
bye for now, nice people!(:
tranquility ; 2/19/2006 05:46:00 pm.
14.2.06
it seems like hardwork DOES pay off afterall (: my results for this term's physics n bio test are out.
i passed bio with an A2, n even though i only scored 65 for physics test, it's one of my best effort coz i usually either fail, or juz pass. So this time im really pleased with my results ^.^
hmm, hopefully didnt do TOO badly for maths n chem *fingers crossed*
anyway, this has really spurred me on to do even better for my next term's test! it's human nature i suppose.
when we get really lousy results, we either totally give up n sian diaoz in sch, or we can choose to give it all we've got n chiong to the end.
and if we choose the latter n achieve gd results, our greed takes over n we want BETTER results, even if our results r oreadi v.gd. this is healthy, i suppose, wanting to excel further etc. but today when i got back my bio results, i felt disappointed even though i got A2, coz i knew i could do better.
and for a while i was feeling quite pissy with myself.
n thats NOT right.
i muz learn to channel this greed for better results into a positive motivation force, n not use it to blame myself for not doin as well as i want to.
yea...
and nowadayz, i realise im kindda drifting apart from my family. there's no tension or anything, but we're juz not as close as before.
oh sure, i still go on family outings with them if any is organised, but we dont have family meetings anymore (due to everyone's lack of time). n we talk abt less things.
dinner time is usually spent with one member less, n we start and finish eating at different times. then we'll proceed on to do our individual tasks. which is quite sad, coz dinner time is supposed to be the only time we can sit down n talk.
im not complaining, n im not saying i dont like the current situation.
i juz feel dat daddy n mummy r really busy, n as their eldest daughter, i dont even know wad they're up to. my sistas too.
i dont know wad r the days jamie stays back in sch for stuff, n i dunno joyce's daily schedule.
i know i dont have this responsibility, but it juz upsets me dat i know so LITTLE abt my family's daily activities.
n worst thing is, it's not as if i dont care, but i juz dont have enough energy n brain space to thinkof such things.
unconsciously, my way of thinkin is changing, so is my life. the things happening around me r maturing too. i no longer see n experience things that happen in lower sec.
it's different now.
i know this from the way i dont tell my parents abt things dat happen in school (like wad happened between my frens?), n i dont discuss much with them abt life n my future anymore.
i used to do those things, juz last yr. but this yr, i dunno why, but i juz dont feel the NEED to tell them everything, or feel the motivation to discuss any events with them.
unless it's sth very special or eventful, i usually juz keep it to myself. even with jamie, i dun talk much personal stuff with her. becoz (this may sound mean) sometimes i feel dat she's too young to understand wads goin thru in my life, n she see things more innocently.
i was once satisfied for her to juz sit n listen to me complain, but nowadayz, i prefer more mature adudiences who can give me adivces n guidance.
of coz, i still seek encouragement n support from my sistas, but not directly. i observe the way they face their daily problems, n sometimes i gain a lot of inspiration from the way they can take things so easily, YET can be troubled deeply by the smallest things.
For joyce, it's coming home n finding no one at home.
For jamie, it's misplacing the textbk dat she needs to use the next day in school.
I smile to myself sometimes, knowing dat i've been thru all that they have, n now im experiencing an altogether different set of life problems thinkin more abt the future.
it's all part of growing up, i suppose.
and becoz i communicate lesser with my family now, i start to realise how impt our past family meetings had been, those times when we would juz sit n talk, understanding each other better.
those times shaped me into who i am now, at the age when my character will so call solidify. those times gave me memories of my family, and now that im too busy n less open in the family, i still have a good impression of this family i belong to.
there's nth bad abt the current situation (talkin less, i mean), becoz the "rebellious" phase of my teenage life has past, n im sensible enough to make my own decisions, so my parents have nth to worry abt.
during the times when we talked, they had taught me all i need for this life time, and im eternally grateful to them, even though i didnt appreciate their effort at that time.
it seems as though the most impt part of our lives is not teenagehood or adulthood, rather, it's our childhood, becoz thats when our parents impart moral values to us, teach us right from wrong, educate us, correct our mistakes, teach us good etiques n manners...
n when we grow up n have our own life, dats when we'll talk less, n dats the time when the things we learn in childhood will come in handy, becoz those r the values dat will stay with us this lifetime.
so to those who r reading this right now, n who have not officially entered teenage life (15<), pls heed my advice n treasure time with ur parents. talk to them n get to know them better. talks like these will shape u into a better person.
dont regret when u become too busy to talk, n before u know it, u're working already, with little knowledge on ur parents' past romance lives, childhood dreams n ambitions, the games they played when they were young, the activities they enjoy, how they feel abt their siblings, how they felt when they were your age...
now, it's not as if i wont talk to my parents. i will still give them details abt impt stuff in my life, but mostly eliminate the daily little things.
i juz hope that they'll understand im entering another phase of my teenage life, n things will be different around the house.
but i know in their eyes, i will alwayz be their little baby girl, and dats a comforting thought, becoz then i know, wheneva i need to get out of my life for a break, i can alwayz return to their side and become a child once more....
tranquility ; 2/14/2006 03:31:00 pm.
7.2.06
the dayz r flying past really quickly now.
i wake up everyday n go to sch, the hrs tick by with one test coming after another. after sch, i return home, take a short break, n start muggin for the upcoming test or timed trial.
there is little or no time for reflections, much less a break.
i hardly stop to think abt wad im doin - why am i doin this, why dont i do that, why is life like this, why why why...
no, i dont.
i juz cant afford to think so much, n honestly, im quite happy being busy. im not soo busy until i cant have a life, but im busy enough to keep my mind occupied n constantly working.
it's healthy.
if not, my brain will become fluffy with infutile thinking and my days will be wasted.
but in the midst of my hectic life, i constantly remind myself to draw strenght from God n continue to do my daily quiet time the best i can. In time like these, i cannot afford to grow apart from God.
im currently workin hard on the planning for yf prog this sunday. hope it'll be a gd one, enjoyable n meaningful for all.
yfers, be sure to come for church kz? coz we're celebrating v.day n friendship day :)
hmm everything around me seems peaceful for the time being.
jamie's still tryin to settle down into sec sch, but i think she's getting on fine.
parents r ok in their work.
joyce is becoming v.independent (takes public bus home daily by herself).
friends around me r stressed but cheerful nonetheless.
ohh, but reminder to self: continue to P.U.S.H for two ppl.
Yep dats a quick update on wads happening to me right now.
Keep on smiling, ppl!
:D
tranquility ; 2/07/2006 11:08:00 pm.
3.2.06
haiz i also dunno wad im feeling now.
although school got a lot of stuff goin on, but im still quite peaceful.
budden read jian mei's blog entry juz now, n i felt v.sad for her.
damn.
i've really got to get a hold on myself.
stop lettin other ppl's negative vibes get to me.
tsk tsk.
so emotional, jenny.
n u're neglecting ur duties.
you're supposed to be studyin for bio test right this second.
"But it's friday! n i always feel slack on this day. it's my rest day. though sunday is supposed to be...."
u've got 3 tests coming up next wk, n they mean life n death to you!!
one, if u dont do well this time, u can prepare to drop out of IP coz the yr's gonna get tougher.
"Huh...?!"
two, ur position in the exco will be threatened
"NOOO!! Stop talkin to me, u evil person...!!"
three, u can forget abt wadeva scholarship coz they'll be lookin at the whole yr's results. *sobzsobz*
four, ur parents r really hopin u'll do well this yr
*guilty* "yea i know..."
so even though it's only first term, you totally canNOT go slack.
which means u've got to go study NOW.
which means this is the end of your blog entry today!!
GO GO GO!
*sniff.sniff*
buaiz everyone...
---END---
tranquility ; 2/03/2006 10:41:00 pm.
2.2.06
at home.
the so called career conference was at home. last night.
dad n i started talkin abt my interests n my future, as well as the possible paths i can take in my life.
he suggested for me to go the aussie for university, then head for america or england for my masters n phd.
i thought it wasnt a bad idea, since i've got a much better impression of aussie compared to other countries.
then we decided on the subjs i could take in jc. i told him abt my plans to get the Humans Scholarship, n he was very supportive, which made me really glad, coz all along i thought he was more in favour of me specialising in science or math.
so it's nearly decided that i will take bio, chem, math, lit, econs n chi in HCI. I dunno if thats the minimum, coz im not v.sure of the subj combination offered, but wadeva the case, those r the subjs im more willing to take up.
in any case, im juz really relieved that i've got that sorted out. it's been bugging my mind for some time now.
n dad highlighted some possible career choices to me. i thought the most interesting one is being a university lectuerer, or professor, in Lit.
dad said if im good, ppl all around the world will invite me for talks or do presentations, or conduct lessons. this way, i get to travel around the world while doin my job. AND i can still go on doin part time writing, becoz if i travel more, i gain more inspiration n my horizons r widened :D
Ok thats a bit too far.
Im still sec4 now.
but it's gd to be thinkin abt such things now.
so anyway.
i feel much light hearted now. with a direction in mind, i can put my trust n faith in the Lord to guide me in His will and wholeheartedly play my part to study hard, n leave the rest to Him.
it's much better this way, rather than guess n guess wad He wants for me, daydreaming my time away... much better to get real n juz LIVE my life well, the way He wants me to (:
Hmm... nowadayz everyone in class is feeling the stress, n the deadlines r startin to put a lid on everything.
but today, i get this feeling that im SUPPOSED to be stressed n drained like everyone else, but somehow, all the homework n pressure juz didnt get to me. n i feel strangely cheerful despite my heavy work schedule.
it's like there's this inner peace thingy inside me, n its totally neutralising all the negative vibes!
it's amazing n i juz know it's God helping me. it's such a wonderful feeling. like i know nth will ever go seriously wrong, becoz HE IS RIGHT THERE FOR ME ^.^
n even if things go wrong, i know He will give me strenght to overcome everything. so basically there's no fear or worry inside me right now.
it's cool. n even though i havent been a good Christian recently (reading bible daily etc.), i can still feel His presence n grace every day.
THAT'S how amazing His love is.
even though we neglect Him in our busy lives, He still finds time to continuously watch over us n guide us in our day.
so i find it very impt to give thanks to Him whenever i can, even if it's on the bus on the way home. n becoz i have lesser time for bible reading n quiet time, i treasure my free time even more, n every word that i read from the bible means a lot to me.
i try hard to rmb His words n apply it to my daily life, n often, when i converse with others, the words that they say remind me of wad i read in the bible. n im awed. coz most of them r not christians.
i realise that even though there r ppl who do not yet know God, they have at least once experienced the love of God or come across His words, it's juz that they do not know it.
so i feel that it's my responsibility as His child to help these ppl realise that they r constantly being surrounded by God's love, no matter how tough the situation is.
tranquility ; 2/02/2006 03:23:00 pm.
24.2.06
friday again. finally free to blog le. and it's the end of week EIGHT now. next wk will be the last wk of sch, then it'll be GRACES Lifeskills Camp for us(: haha my New Jersey fren made a good comment on our grp blog. she realised all of us are kindda gettin frantic, buying lovely gowns n lip gloss etc. then she asked if there'll be guyz, we said no, n debated whether it'll be better with or w/o them.
eventually, we decided us girlz r best left on our own ^.^ then this NJ fren said, if no guyz, then why r we dressing up so much for. i read it n thot it was a v.good n relevant point.
well perhaps it's a girl thing. dressing up, i mean. but i think she has a point there. r we dressing up for self satisfaction? gaining comfort in knowing that a particular gown looks good on us? or r we juz eager to show off our curves to our frens? to impress them?
this doesnt sound v.nice, but i cant think of any other reason why we would spend so much time dressing up, if there won't be outsiders there. of coz, some girlz juz dress up to match up to the atmosphere, n enjoy the whole formal dinner. but really, i feel too much fuss is being made.
it's almost like everyone in NY is turning into a bimbo. like, OH GOSHH!! I HAVEN'T BOUGHT HEELS *SCREAMS*
sighz...
guilty as charged...
yep, im one of those who r actually worried i wont have heels to match my gown, or lip gloss that goes well with it or wadeva. but i guess u can call it peer pressure. everyone's like this, so im influenced one way or another.
but im still proud to say im not a bimbo. yet. n i hope this'll last. there is absolutely nth wrong in being a bimbo. i juz personally prefer being a nerd :P
hmm... ahh yes.
finished Da Vinci Code within two dayz this wk. it was spellbinding n intriguing. i cant wait to launch a discussion on the bk with someone (no idea who yet. anyone who is willing to be a nerd too, i suppose).
while reading the bk, i did have several qns regarding the origin of the bible, n i did question the credibility of it. but amazingly, the bk didnt influence my faith in God negatively, neither did it change my perception of the ever holy Christ.
it seems to me that when ur faith has reached a certain point, u will be able to tell the Lies of Satan from the Truth of God. and nothing will turn you away from Him. after reading the bk, i feel pleasantly closer to the Lord, as though i had juz passed a particularly challenging test of faith.
my christian school mates were all discouraging me from reading, but i was captivated by the story plot already, n went on reading. r they afriad to read? becoz it's full of Lies? r they worried they're faith will change? if so, then their faith is not v.strong, i'd say.
i admit, when i read the part abt Jesus n Mary being a couple etc, i was fuming with these Lies, so much so that i slammed the bk down on my desk n my table partner stared at me wonderingly.
apparently, my fren, though a Non christian, wasnt affected by the bk either, becoz she skipped the part abt Jesus too. i guess the non believers r not concerned abt the religious part of the bk, they're more in for the story plot. so actually, the believers dont need to feel so strongly against the bk, becoz it's not really demonic or anything.
well, i believe this bk is written as a challenge for us Christians. in future, we might meet ppl who question us abt the origin of the bible, probably becoz they read the Da Vinci Code, n we muz be prepared for that.
so anyway, gtg for dinner now. loads more to talk abt, but no time now.
haiz.
so much work crammed into one weekend. i've got to choreograph 2 dances, one for my PE module, another for the class folk dance presentation on the last day of lifeskills camp. then ive got bio n physics assignment.
ahh. life.
tranquility ; 2/24/2006 06:44:00 pm.
20.2.06
haha.
32/50 for maths.
WHEE~!!!
since last yr, i've been failing or juz passing maths test. this is like a HUGE improvement for me, not to mention the fact that i've practically flunked ALL my maths quizzes. so im really beaming right now.
even Khooie, my maths tchr, who's super stingy with his praises n remarks, said that i have improved n he was SMILING :D he told me to keep it up!
YAYYY.
i scored a big V this time round.
gosh. i totally proved myself wrong.
I NOT STUPID!!
hahaz.
never found that phrase more useful than now. im ultra determined to study harder now. humans scholarship is practically in my reach if i continue.
of coz, still need lots of support n help from the yf seniors ^.^ thanks to all you good ppl for helping me in my work!!
oh yea.
there's still one last chem test haven get back yet. i dun have a good feeling abt this, but even if i fail this last one, i can still take some comfort knowing that i scored well for my other tests.
hmm. lookin forward to bangkok holiday trip. really hoping this will be a good bonding session for the family. we're like drifting apart le.
ok enough abt family. now fwenz.
quite a lot to say, but due to time constraints, i shall summarise:
basically, i have major probleming tolerating someone in class. she has little, practically zero, self discipline, procrastinates like siaoz, almost ALWAYZ doesnt complete her homework on time, delays n delays until she's practically always the last one who hands in the work.
n worst thing is, she NEVER gets into trouble for this little problem of hers.
the tchrs r always saying will deduct marks for late work, but this seems to never bother her, n she still gets relatively good marks for her assignments n tests. not much worse than me anyway.
Me. who studied n hands in work ON TIME.
dats so unfair.
n she's not even tryin to keep up with the class. she's really the type who'll choose fun over work. n the funny thing is, she can have fun WITHOUT being constantly bugged by the unfinished work at the back of her mind.
how did she do it??
another fren n i analysed this, n we think it's becoz she has a large circle of CAPABLE frens, who r like really good at studies. so she gets loads of help from them. she frequently gets her frens to do her reports n proposals for her.
sighz...
too bad for us outcasts then.
and i dunno wads MY problem with dat!!
i mean, come on.
it's HER problem, not mine, right?!
so why am i so agitated n totally PISSED??
i think it's the unfairness of everything. i kindda dao-ed her today. didnt feel like talkin to someone who wouldn't pull herself together n try to buck up.
i dunno...
im usually ok with accepting the weakness of others, but somehow, when it comes to her, i juz cant tolerate. she's not a bad girl. in fact, she's a really good fren in most wayz. this is juz a big problem of hers that i cant stand.
n she sits next to me in class. so it really puts a lid on top of everything.
haiz...
i know i know. i'll learn to let go n take things easy. it's not as though im Miss Perfect or wadeva. im sure she can find fault with me, if she wants. dats the strange thing abt this fren of mine.
she never finds fault with most ppl, unless they find fault with her first. im really impressed by this actually. not many ppl can do this.
wellz.
it's a two way friendship i guess. if im gonna sit next to her for the rest of the semester, i'd better start gettin used to her uh different way of approaching life.
tranquility ; 2/20/2006 07:50:00 pm.
19.2.06
haha i dumped the old christian layouts n decided to go for sth new.
im NOT backsliding kz.
though i might have, a few hrs ago.
dunno why.
juz sitting there in the audi, listening to the sermon n praying, juz suddenly questioned the existence of God.
dats so not right. i know.
but thankfully, He touched my soul n reminded me of my precious salvation.
so now im fine again.
im sure it was juz the devil messing with my mind.
my heart is still with HIM.
*woots!*
hmm nth much to report yet.
lookin forward to DA VINCI CODE MOVIE (:
gotta read the bk v.soon.
right now the biggest prob bugging me is my future career.
i have simply NO IDEA wad to do.
ok, i think i have TOO many ideas, till i dunno wad to do.
it's mainly also becoz of my crazily wide range of interest.
n im learning so many things now.
my life is so whacked up.
dunno wad dat means. juz feel like it's the correct word.
it's juz so eazy to be able to flip open a bk called Your Future, n juz see wad's in stored for me.
SO EASY.
but not possible.
we make our own choices.
n decide for our own future.
*headache*
sighx...
juz have to P.U.S.H i guess... (PrayUntilSomethingHappens)
oh wellz.
bye for now, nice people!(:
tranquility ; 2/19/2006 05:46:00 pm.
14.2.06
it seems like hardwork DOES pay off afterall (: my results for this term's physics n bio test are out.
i passed bio with an A2, n even though i only scored 65 for physics test, it's one of my best effort coz i usually either fail, or juz pass. So this time im really pleased with my results ^.^
hmm, hopefully didnt do TOO badly for maths n chem *fingers crossed*
anyway, this has really spurred me on to do even better for my next term's test! it's human nature i suppose.
when we get really lousy results, we either totally give up n sian diaoz in sch, or we can choose to give it all we've got n chiong to the end.
and if we choose the latter n achieve gd results, our greed takes over n we want BETTER results, even if our results r oreadi v.gd. this is healthy, i suppose, wanting to excel further etc. but today when i got back my bio results, i felt disappointed even though i got A2, coz i knew i could do better.
and for a while i was feeling quite pissy with myself.
n thats NOT right.
i muz learn to channel this greed for better results into a positive motivation force, n not use it to blame myself for not doin as well as i want to.
yea...
and nowadayz, i realise im kindda drifting apart from my family. there's no tension or anything, but we're juz not as close as before.
oh sure, i still go on family outings with them if any is organised, but we dont have family meetings anymore (due to everyone's lack of time). n we talk abt less things.
dinner time is usually spent with one member less, n we start and finish eating at different times. then we'll proceed on to do our individual tasks. which is quite sad, coz dinner time is supposed to be the only time we can sit down n talk.
im not complaining, n im not saying i dont like the current situation.
i juz feel dat daddy n mummy r really busy, n as their eldest daughter, i dont even know wad they're up to. my sistas too.
i dont know wad r the days jamie stays back in sch for stuff, n i dunno joyce's daily schedule.
i know i dont have this responsibility, but it juz upsets me dat i know so LITTLE abt my family's daily activities.
n worst thing is, it's not as if i dont care, but i juz dont have enough energy n brain space to thinkof such things.
unconsciously, my way of thinkin is changing, so is my life. the things happening around me r maturing too. i no longer see n experience things that happen in lower sec.
it's different now.
i know this from the way i dont tell my parents abt things dat happen in school (like wad happened between my frens?), n i dont discuss much with them abt life n my future anymore.
i used to do those things, juz last yr. but this yr, i dunno why, but i juz dont feel the NEED to tell them everything, or feel the motivation to discuss any events with them.
unless it's sth very special or eventful, i usually juz keep it to myself. even with jamie, i dun talk much personal stuff with her. becoz (this may sound mean) sometimes i feel dat she's too young to understand wads goin thru in my life, n she see things more innocently.
i was once satisfied for her to juz sit n listen to me complain, but nowadayz, i prefer more mature adudiences who can give me adivces n guidance.
of coz, i still seek encouragement n support from my sistas, but not directly. i observe the way they face their daily problems, n sometimes i gain a lot of inspiration from the way they can take things so easily, YET can be troubled deeply by the smallest things.
For joyce, it's coming home n finding no one at home.
For jamie, it's misplacing the textbk dat she needs to use the next day in school.
I smile to myself sometimes, knowing dat i've been thru all that they have, n now im experiencing an altogether different set of life problems thinkin more abt the future.
it's all part of growing up, i suppose.
and becoz i communicate lesser with my family now, i start to realise how impt our past family meetings had been, those times when we would juz sit n talk, understanding each other better.
those times shaped me into who i am now, at the age when my character will so call solidify. those times gave me memories of my family, and now that im too busy n less open in the family, i still have a good impression of this family i belong to.
there's nth bad abt the current situation (talkin less, i mean), becoz the "rebellious" phase of my teenage life has past, n im sensible enough to make my own decisions, so my parents have nth to worry abt.
during the times when we talked, they had taught me all i need for this life time, and im eternally grateful to them, even though i didnt appreciate their effort at that time.
it seems as though the most impt part of our lives is not teenagehood or adulthood, rather, it's our childhood, becoz thats when our parents impart moral values to us, teach us right from wrong, educate us, correct our mistakes, teach us good etiques n manners...
n when we grow up n have our own life, dats when we'll talk less, n dats the time when the things we learn in childhood will come in handy, becoz those r the values dat will stay with us this lifetime.
so to those who r reading this right now, n who have not officially entered teenage life (15<), pls heed my advice n treasure time with ur parents. talk to them n get to know them better. talks like these will shape u into a better person.
dont regret when u become too busy to talk, n before u know it, u're working already, with little knowledge on ur parents' past romance lives, childhood dreams n ambitions, the games they played when they were young, the activities they enjoy, how they feel abt their siblings, how they felt when they were your age...
now, it's not as if i wont talk to my parents. i will still give them details abt impt stuff in my life, but mostly eliminate the daily little things.
i juz hope that they'll understand im entering another phase of my teenage life, n things will be different around the house.
but i know in their eyes, i will alwayz be their little baby girl, and dats a comforting thought, becoz then i know, wheneva i need to get out of my life for a break, i can alwayz return to their side and become a child once more....
tranquility ; 2/14/2006 03:31:00 pm.
7.2.06
the dayz r flying past really quickly now.
i wake up everyday n go to sch, the hrs tick by with one test coming after another. after sch, i return home, take a short break, n start muggin for the upcoming test or timed trial.
there is little or no time for reflections, much less a break.
i hardly stop to think abt wad im doin - why am i doin this, why dont i do that, why is life like this, why why why...
no, i dont.
i juz cant afford to think so much, n honestly, im quite happy being busy. im not soo busy until i cant have a life, but im busy enough to keep my mind occupied n constantly working.
it's healthy.
if not, my brain will become fluffy with infutile thinking and my days will be wasted.
but in the midst of my hectic life, i constantly remind myself to draw strenght from God n continue to do my daily quiet time the best i can. In time like these, i cannot afford to grow apart from God.
im currently workin hard on the planning for yf prog this sunday. hope it'll be a gd one, enjoyable n meaningful for all.
yfers, be sure to come for church kz? coz we're celebrating v.day n friendship day :)
hmm everything around me seems peaceful for the time being.
jamie's still tryin to settle down into sec sch, but i think she's getting on fine.
parents r ok in their work.
joyce is becoming v.independent (takes public bus home daily by herself).
friends around me r stressed but cheerful nonetheless.
ohh, but reminder to self: continue to P.U.S.H for two ppl.
Yep dats a quick update on wads happening to me right now.
Keep on smiling, ppl!
:D
tranquility ; 2/07/2006 11:08:00 pm.
3.2.06
haiz i also dunno wad im feeling now.
although school got a lot of stuff goin on, but im still quite peaceful.
budden read jian mei's blog entry juz now, n i felt v.sad for her.
damn.
i've really got to get a hold on myself.
stop lettin other ppl's negative vibes get to me.
tsk tsk.
so emotional, jenny.
n u're neglecting ur duties.
you're supposed to be studyin for bio test right this second.
"But it's friday! n i always feel slack on this day. it's my rest day. though sunday is supposed to be...."
u've got 3 tests coming up next wk, n they mean life n death to you!!
one, if u dont do well this time, u can prepare to drop out of IP coz the yr's gonna get tougher.
"Huh...?!"
two, ur position in the exco will be threatened
"NOOO!! Stop talkin to me, u evil person...!!"
three, u can forget abt wadeva scholarship coz they'll be lookin at the whole yr's results. *sobzsobz*
four, ur parents r really hopin u'll do well this yr
*guilty* "yea i know..."
so even though it's only first term, you totally canNOT go slack.
which means u've got to go study NOW.
which means this is the end of your blog entry today!!
GO GO GO!
*sniff.sniff*
buaiz everyone...
---END---
tranquility ; 2/03/2006 10:41:00 pm.
2.2.06
at home.
the so called career conference was at home. last night.
dad n i started talkin abt my interests n my future, as well as the possible paths i can take in my life.
he suggested for me to go the aussie for university, then head for america or england for my masters n phd.
i thought it wasnt a bad idea, since i've got a much better impression of aussie compared to other countries.
then we decided on the subjs i could take in jc. i told him abt my plans to get the Humans Scholarship, n he was very supportive, which made me really glad, coz all along i thought he was more in favour of me specialising in science or math.
so it's nearly decided that i will take bio, chem, math, lit, econs n chi in HCI. I dunno if thats the minimum, coz im not v.sure of the subj combination offered, but wadeva the case, those r the subjs im more willing to take up.
in any case, im juz really relieved that i've got that sorted out. it's been bugging my mind for some time now.
n dad highlighted some possible career choices to me. i thought the most interesting one is being a university lectuerer, or professor, in Lit.
dad said if im good, ppl all around the world will invite me for talks or do presentations, or conduct lessons. this way, i get to travel around the world while doin my job. AND i can still go on doin part time writing, becoz if i travel more, i gain more inspiration n my horizons r widened :D
Ok thats a bit too far.
Im still sec4 now.
but it's gd to be thinkin abt such things now.
so anyway.
i feel much light hearted now. with a direction in mind, i can put my trust n faith in the Lord to guide me in His will and wholeheartedly play my part to study hard, n leave the rest to Him.
it's much better this way, rather than guess n guess wad He wants for me, daydreaming my time away... much better to get real n juz LIVE my life well, the way He wants me to (:
Hmm... nowadayz everyone in class is feeling the stress, n the deadlines r startin to put a lid on everything.
but today, i get this feeling that im SUPPOSED to be stressed n drained like everyone else, but somehow, all the homework n pressure juz didnt get to me. n i feel strangely cheerful despite my heavy work schedule.
it's like there's this inner peace thingy inside me, n its totally neutralising all the negative vibes!
it's amazing n i juz know it's God helping me. it's such a wonderful feeling. like i know nth will ever go seriously wrong, becoz HE IS RIGHT THERE FOR ME ^.^
n even if things go wrong, i know He will give me strenght to overcome everything. so basically there's no fear or worry inside me right now.
it's cool. n even though i havent been a good Christian recently (reading bible daily etc.), i can still feel His presence n grace every day.
THAT'S how amazing His love is.
even though we neglect Him in our busy lives, He still finds time to continuously watch over us n guide us in our day.
so i find it very impt to give thanks to Him whenever i can, even if it's on the bus on the way home. n becoz i have lesser time for bible reading n quiet time, i treasure my free time even more, n every word that i read from the bible means a lot to me.
i try hard to rmb His words n apply it to my daily life, n often, when i converse with others, the words that they say remind me of wad i read in the bible. n im awed. coz most of them r not christians.
i realise that even though there r ppl who do not yet know God, they have at least once experienced the love of God or come across His words, it's juz that they do not know it.
so i feel that it's my responsibility as His child to help these ppl realise that they r constantly being surrounded by God's love, no matter how tough the situation is.
tranquility ; 2/02/2006 03:23:00 pm.
