14.2.06
it seems like hardwork DOES pay off afterall (: my results for this term's physics n bio test are out.
i passed bio with an A2, n even though i only scored 65 for physics test, it's one of my best effort coz i usually either fail, or juz pass. So this time im really pleased with my results ^.^
hmm, hopefully didnt do TOO badly for maths n chem *fingers crossed*
anyway, this has really spurred me on to do even better for my next term's test! it's human nature i suppose.
when we get really lousy results, we either totally give up n sian diaoz in sch, or we can choose to give it all we've got n chiong to the end.
and if we choose the latter n achieve gd results, our greed takes over n we want BETTER results, even if our results r oreadi v.gd. this is healthy, i suppose, wanting to excel further etc. but today when i got back my bio results, i felt disappointed even though i got A2, coz i knew i could do better.
and for a while i was feeling quite pissy with myself.
n thats NOT right.
i muz learn to channel this greed for better results into a positive motivation force, n not use it to blame myself for not doin as well as i want to.
yea...
and nowadayz, i realise im kindda drifting apart from my family. there's no tension or anything, but we're juz not as close as before.
oh sure, i still go on family outings with them if any is organised, but we dont have family meetings anymore (due to everyone's lack of time). n we talk abt less things.
dinner time is usually spent with one member less, n we start and finish eating at different times. then we'll proceed on to do our individual tasks. which is quite sad, coz dinner time is supposed to be the only time we can sit down n talk.
im not complaining, n im not saying i dont like the current situation.
i juz feel dat daddy n mummy r really busy, n as their eldest daughter, i dont even know wad they're up to. my sistas too.
i dont know wad r the days jamie stays back in sch for stuff, n i dunno joyce's daily schedule.
i know i dont have this responsibility, but it juz upsets me dat i know so LITTLE abt my family's daily activities.
n worst thing is, it's not as if i dont care, but i juz dont have enough energy n brain space to thinkof such things.
unconsciously, my way of thinkin is changing, so is my life. the things happening around me r maturing too. i no longer see n experience things that happen in lower sec.
it's different now.
i know this from the way i dont tell my parents abt things dat happen in school (like wad happened between my frens?), n i dont discuss much with them abt life n my future anymore.
i used to do those things, juz last yr. but this yr, i dunno why, but i juz dont feel the NEED to tell them everything, or feel the motivation to discuss any events with them.
unless it's sth very special or eventful, i usually juz keep it to myself. even with jamie, i dun talk much personal stuff with her. becoz (this may sound mean) sometimes i feel dat she's too young to understand wads goin thru in my life, n she see things more innocently.
i was once satisfied for her to juz sit n listen to me complain, but nowadayz, i prefer more mature adudiences who can give me adivces n guidance.
of coz, i still seek encouragement n support from my sistas, but not directly. i observe the way they face their daily problems, n sometimes i gain a lot of inspiration from the way they can take things so easily, YET can be troubled deeply by the smallest things.
For joyce, it's coming home n finding no one at home.
For jamie, it's misplacing the textbk dat she needs to use the next day in school.
I smile to myself sometimes, knowing dat i've been thru all that they have, n now im experiencing an altogether different set of life problems thinkin more abt the future.
it's all part of growing up, i suppose.
and becoz i communicate lesser with my family now, i start to realise how impt our past family meetings had been, those times when we would juz sit n talk, understanding each other better.
those times shaped me into who i am now, at the age when my character will so call solidify. those times gave me memories of my family, and now that im too busy n less open in the family, i still have a good impression of this family i belong to.
there's nth bad abt the current situation (talkin less, i mean), becoz the "rebellious" phase of my teenage life has past, n im sensible enough to make my own decisions, so my parents have nth to worry abt.
during the times when we talked, they had taught me all i need for this life time, and im eternally grateful to them, even though i didnt appreciate their effort at that time.
it seems as though the most impt part of our lives is not teenagehood or adulthood, rather, it's our childhood, becoz thats when our parents impart moral values to us, teach us right from wrong, educate us, correct our mistakes, teach us good etiques n manners...
n when we grow up n have our own life, dats when we'll talk less, n dats the time when the things we learn in childhood will come in handy, becoz those r the values dat will stay with us this lifetime.
so to those who r reading this right now, n who have not officially entered teenage life (15<), pls heed my advice n treasure time with ur parents. talk to them n get to know them better. talks like these will shape u into a better person.
dont regret when u become too busy to talk, n before u know it, u're working already, with little knowledge on ur parents' past romance lives, childhood dreams n ambitions, the games they played when they were young, the activities they enjoy, how they feel abt their siblings, how they felt when they were your age...
now, it's not as if i wont talk to my parents. i will still give them details abt impt stuff in my life, but mostly eliminate the daily little things.
i juz hope that they'll understand im entering another phase of my teenage life, n things will be different around the house.
but i know in their eyes, i will alwayz be their little baby girl, and dats a comforting thought, becoz then i know, wheneva i need to get out of my life for a break, i can alwayz return to their side and become a child once more....
tranquility ; 2/14/2006 03:31:00 pm.
