31.7.06
SO overrated.
SO annoying.
SO blehh.
it's just a way for teachers to force us to dig out notes from donkey of yrs ago.and then for those disorganised souls like me,we'll be in a deep pile of workSHITs.
ha-di-ha goes the teacher.
it's just a mean to keep us on our toes.and for those inconsistent ppl like me,we find ourselves wobbling and toppling over.
la-di-la sings the teacher.
it's just a way to keep our midnight oil lamp burning coz apparently we have too much fossil fuels to spare on this earth.and for those poor kids like me who cant afford the oil,we study in the dark and fall asleep.
tra-la-la cheers the teacher.
see.
it's an academic war.
it's us vs the books.
as well as a social war.
us vs the teachers.
but most importantly,it's a battle of me and myself.
and victory shall be mine!
tranquility ; 7/31/2006 09:33:00 pm.
29.7.06
watched cabaret at esplanade today.it's a sexy,sexual,and spicy musical,yet sad and a little dark,with hidden messages and some kind of mockery as well (to me it seemed like mockery).it's basically abt the love between 4 ppl and how they are forced apart by the Nazi and Jew conflict and shows how the ppl of Berlin at that time could continue their scandalous and wild lives despite the political issues.some chose to ignore it,and some chose to runaway with,while the rest went with the flow.
the musical basically shines a new light on the Nazi issue that we've been studyin in history lessons.it is not merely an issue of religion rights or manslaughter anymore.it's abt a bigger problem that it might have caused,like seperating two in love,or causing bad blood amongst the germans.
a casual audience of the musical might've just loved the show for it's glitterness and hot bods,but as much as i'd like to appreciate cabaret at that level too,i couldnt block out the msgs that jumped out at me especially in Act 2.
it's kindda sad honestly speakin.the show was so witty and vibrant,and even the sad parts didnt seem touching enough,yet i know the issues behind it were serious ones.
i suppose it's not good to think too much while trying to be entertained.
anyway,feixiang was the best k.when he came out at the end of the show to bow,ppl actually cheered (me included),although gloria told me later that we're not supposed to cheer in the esplanade threatre,which apparently is a high class place.
i was wearing jeans,sleeveless shirt with a jacket,white slippers,and carrying a traditional lookin sling bag from bali.
hardly the kind of outfit you wear to the esplanade.but how was i to know?i pictured it to be like victoria concert hall or sth.
hmm.
anyway.
there were other girls from nanyang sitted around me and gloria.and they were dressed v.posh-ly k.super short skirt and fanciful accessories.
i think i was the only one who wasnt cold.
so gloria actually commented that the musical was abt the ppl on stage,and not abt those girls who dressed up so much.and i agreed.honestly.you can so tell if a girl is from a girls school.it just shows.
oh crap.
am i bitching?
a year ago i would've been like those grps of girls.as long as im out of my home,i'll be dressed in my best and always thinkin that some hot guy is lookin at me, then i'll be giggling and acting girl cool.
SO not me now.
i feel comfortable in jeans and shirt.
so there.
i cant quite stand the way some girls in sch look at me outside sch.it's like a Mahattan once-over,as rebbeca bloomwood the shopaholic puts it.they just glance down you and decide if they like you from the way you dress,walk,talk,and carry yourself.
is it just girls school or what?
i used to be seriously bothered by such girls and forever self conscious.but now i honestly dont care.i dont give them any attitude,but when they look at me with that kind of critical eyes,i just smile innocently and silently tell them i know im worth something in God's eyes.
in the past,i used to think no one will like me,be it a guy or girl.so when guys actually say they like me(
not like there are alot ok,im just saying it to elaborate my point on self consciousness),i find all sorts of excuses to tell myself they dont mean it.
like,you havent seen the real me.or it's just because i have long hair.
that kind of thing.
i just refuse to believe im worth liking.
now,it's different.
ever since i broke contact with all my online friends,no guy has confessed that he likes me,YET i feel at peace,and i feel more valued and worth loving than i have ever felt.
when i see couples down the road,i feel warm and smiley,not because im envious,but because i know someday God will arrange such a person to come into my life too.
and i just know,even if all my girl friends are paired off with hot shots, and im left alone,i won't be upset.because there is a promise in my heart.
a promise of faith.
tranquility ; 7/29/2006 08:46:00 pm.
28.7.06
i just love fridays.
everyday should be a friday.honestly.
even if it's just pretend fridays.we should at least try and be in a friday mood each day.coz everyone feels slack and relaxed on fridays.and on such days,we're usually in better spirits,so stress and anger dont come to us so easily.
then the world will be a better place,maybe.
point is,im feeling really peaceful and lighthearted now.things cant be better.or maybe they have,but this is not any worser than my worst day.
grandpa's out of hospital,and everyone's so relieved!praise the Lord(:
i hope he'll seriously quit smokin now.hmm ok im actually feeling kindda inspired now,coz i just finished Shopaholic Ties The Knot,it's a fabulous bk,and not at all shallow.maybe just abit.and i totally dislike rebecca bloomwood at first,then towards the end i changed my mind.one should always be prepared to hate ppl like rebecca first,for her lack of self discipline and completely bimbotic mind.but one should also be prepared to always give her another chance too,because you never know when she can prove you wrong and do sth dramatic and awesome.im goin to read Shopaholic and Sister soon.jamie borrowed it for me.cresent girls' sch library rocks to high heavens.they have such hip books.mine has C.S.Lewis and such.not that i dont appreciate them.i do.but too much philosophical and literature bks can make one a little dull and boring after a while.so anyway.i discovered this fantastic secret place near sch.shant say where,but it's amazing.like this pretty little cubby hole with hidden treasures.literally.the stuffs there are c-o-o-l!i never really use that word coz i find it so cliche,but this word seriously suits the things in this shop.the latest and cutest designs of gifts can be found there.again,i shant say where it is located.but it's very convenient for me.^.^but point is,from now on,jenny's presents to her dear friends will never be the same again!be prepared to receive wonderful prezzies from this day on!p.s if interested in the shop location,ask me personally ;)actually i've been thinkin abt what lynn and me have been chatting abt lately.relationships.she asked me more than once: how will you know?i've thought about that too.how will i know if i've met the one right for me?i know,im only 16,but isnt that like the unofficial age to think abt such things in this modern era of technology and bimbotic-ness?anyway,i came to no conclusion whatsoever.i told lynn you would feel it when you meet him,but im not so sure myself.i mean,Boy Meets Girl make it sound so easy,but is it really?i tried to ask mum once,did she feel a zing in her heart when she first met dad?or was it like a gradual thing that just ended up with them married?i didn't get a satisfactory answer.and honestly,i have no idea how to ask the experienced ones in church.they should know right?but how exactly do i say it?i cant just walk up to them.can i?maybe i can.but it's so weird!hmm.i think yulan has once attempted to explain this to me.last yr.when i was sort of in a spiritual crisis.but i forgot her answers.craps.im always forgettin answers to impt questions such as these.like,what's my role in the yf exco and am i really suited for this role?i keep forgettin junan's answers to this critical question,but i've got it locked in my mind now.anyway,i've decided not to think abt such sad and depressing things in life.i'll think abt them when the time comes and i feel gloomy enough.but for now,i'll just enjoy school(:
tranquility ; 7/28/2006 05:15:00 pm.
27.7.06
this is a special wk in nanyang. as always, it is traditional for all IP students to take up 4 sabbatical courses every yr. Each course will be a wk of activities ranging from sports to music, arts to science, depending on what your choice is. and for that whole wk, you'll just be in sch for that course.
one.whole.day.
one.whole.week.
it's cool.
i guess.
unless you're takin a translation course,which teaches you really BASIC stuffs abt translation, from chi to eng, and vice versa. it's fun sometimes, but i found many classmates snoozing away (me included.im sry!), and some like my table partner cum 3rd bestie just doodles in her writing pad.
the tchr's fun and all i suppose. she laughs alot in this horsy sort of way, and she's really nice and friendly, not at all bothered with formalties like "Class Stand!"and "Class Greet!". which is a bonus for me, becuase i seriously cant stand ppl who
demand for respect.
so anyway, im sleeping now, so i won't doze off again tmr. the last day of sabbatical. i think i'll miss her. she's a motherly sort of woman. but then i definitely wont be missing the lessons anytime too soon.
pls.are we bsp students doomed to such a sad fate? the lower sec IP students are takin courses like
roller blading and
scuba diving!!
I'm sry dear God, im not exactly being very grateful here. forgive me. and grant me a peaceful heart so i may endure all these with the patience and kindness that will please you.
Amen.
(anyway, i finished this website for jamie's project, and im SO happy with myself. it's not my best effort though. ahh well. gimme more time and i'll give you sth better!)
tranquility ; 7/27/2006 10:29:00 pm.
23.7.06
Today is
brothers' day!!the yf prog turned out fine,even though there were a lot of last min hiccups and bad miscommunication.praise the Lord(:
so anyway,i'd skip straight to the interesting part,which is the last segment of the prog.during the wk,each sister had taken time off to give nice comments abt each brother and sent their lists to michelle.she compiled everything into a lovely ppt and the brothers got a chance to know what we love abt them!
but some of my comments were rather long,so michelle didnt use all.so,while i still have time now,i'll post the full list up here.brothers,read and feel
loved(:
Zhixuan – He’s like my friendly inner conscience, always reminding me to study when I go online for too long and too often >.< Great guy and great friend! (Personally I find it quite disappointing that he doesn’t really have a gf called Rebecca!)
Guowei – A fatherly figure in yf, always ready to give out advice and encouragement to us!
Yongliang – A kid at heart despite his age! All his weird funny jokes are a big part of him…!
Haowen – Always there at the right time with the right words and right attitude, focused and level headed, a reliable and trustworthy brother(: Thanks bunchies for the prayer support!
Yilun – Very busy guy!! But always ready to lend a listening ear and quote some cheem cheem words from the bible or something to encourage people ;p
Henry – I think he looks quite xiong leh, but actually he’s very harmless and very nice :D Like that time I fell asleep on bus trip in Balai and unknowingly leaned against his back, then he just sat there the whole journey! Next time can just wake me!! ><
Ivan – Ivan ah… CHICKEN DANCE!! Na na na na na, na na na na na…
Mingyao – He’s very friendly and actually one of the very few people who talked to me first when I joined yf last year. I remember very clearly last year’s outing to Sentosa, when he just suddenly talked to me about school or something. He created a very good impression of yf for me!(:
Zhengxuan – I don’t see him a lot around church, but when I do, he and sixuan always hanging out together, so I suppose he’s a really good brother!
Samuel – He’s like a kid trying his best to grow up, but funny in his own ways, and he’s quite obedient to his sis as compared to other boys his age.
Wenjun –He is… softspoken? Haha.
William – A nice and inquisitive guy.
Nicholas – He is like this huge friendly rubbish bin for me to dump my lousy emotions into! He can take almost anything and can listen to nearly everything without blowing his top immediately. A brilliant listener!Junan - Cute cute cute cute cuteee!in his kiddish way(:Although very knowledgable abt the bible as compared to yours truly,he doesnt speak in cheemology,instead,he talks abt things that really makes you laugh!but when he gets serious once in a million yrs,beware!there you have it.a wonderful tribute to my dear brothers(:love you,you,and YOU!!
tranquility ; 7/23/2006 07:55:00 pm.
18.7.06
brothers' day this coming sunday!!(: me and tiff are ICs,but together with the other sisters,we've come up with a fabulous prog for our dear brothers ^-^ *can't wait!*
physics SPA (student practical assessment) tmr,then chem test on thurs.abit stressed now.but it's normal.
lynn and grp did CME project presentation today,their topic was called Blood Type,Horoscope,Education Status in relation with marriage!quite an interesting presentation,and it says for my horoscope,cancer,i treat marriage as a huge part of life,without marriage,there's no happiness to talk abt!
haha not sure how true that is,but i do believe we're made in pairs.one day everyone will meet someone he or she loves,unless you are called by God to celibracy!anyway,danxun,pls dont blurt out to anyone the contents of our talk last night k.not that i dont trust you.i do.and i know you won't do anything that'll embarrass me;)
tranquility ; 7/18/2006 03:25:00 pm.
thinking of changing blogskin. not in a very good mood nowdays. a little drowsy and dull. must be the exam mood coming in.
gonna send manuscript to Flame of the Forest publisher and see if they'll publish my book. starting on bk2 after EOYs.
tranquility ; 7/14/2006 04:00:00 pm.
12.7.06
maths test screwed. went to watch pirates of the carribean with sinyee, dingjia, jas and yoyo. it is more suspenseful, exciting and have a better plot than part 1. lookin forward to part 3!!
took some neos. will post them here asap.bad voodoo feeling gone now.
reading Boy Meets Girl. it rocks!(:
tranquility ; 7/12/2006 08:39:00 pm.
11.7.06
definitely feeling better today, probably because i didn't really get any quiet time for myself. first it was chem quiz in the morning, then CME presentation in the aftnn (which, btw, was another horrible story abt me and a lousy tchr who picked at the presentation so awfully a hell lot that i was beginning to think she had sth against me. and all of us actually stayed up late to complete a completely trivial presentation like CME), then later after going home from cca i'll need to study for maths quiz tmr.
fun thing to look forward is, tmr after sch me and frens will be watching pirates of carribean. so cool. on the first day of showing too!*grins*ok yea so anyway, i'll elaborate a little more abt the lousy tchr.
firstly, let me explain she is a
knowledgable tchr, and she's really
serious abt teaching. she puts in alot of
effort to prepare for each lesson and she takes her job seriously. she wants to make sure every student understands and pays attention every class. which is good, really. but as a character, she has a lot to learn.
if you trace my entries to the start of the yr, you'll notice that i've been overseas an awful lot of times this yr, which is uncommon, i know. but this yr is an exception. it truly is. what this tchr doesnt understand is that it's not MY idea, ok? it's my parents. i tried to escape the trip to bali, i also tried to stay for sabbatical, but they said it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to go bali, and i only visit china once in 4 yrs. so i have reason to say no right? besides, my entire family tree is in china, i HAVE TO go back this yr, if not there wont be another chance, seeing A'levels is coming up next.
so my point is, it's really NOT as if i psycho-ed my parents into takin me overseas; and it's also NOT as if i was tryin to escape sabbaticals by goin overseas. i love sabbaticals, i honestly do. i think they provide me with opportunities to learn and get exposed to different things in life. but the tchr doesnt understand.
today during special interest lecture, the vice principal went up onto the platform to address the sec4 IP students, and when she rounded up her speech, she said, "I hope everyone takes this sabbatical seriously, i have been told by one tchr that a student has been makin all sorts of excuses to run to china just to escape sabbaticals...
blah blah blah."
i dont have an attitude problem, i just dont like it when tchrs think they can lord over us because we're alot younger than them and they are apparently our Teachers. like wow. i respect ppl who deserve and earn my respect rightfully, not by demand. i respect my seniors in sch and church because they have vast experiences and knowledge that i dont. i respect tchrs because they are patient and passionate abt their work AND STUDENTS.
i certainly DO NOT respect a tchr who looks down on a student because her chinese grade is one of the lowest in class. and i also DO NOT respect a tchr who interprets a student's actions WRONGLY and tells the vice principal stupid fat lies which concern things that are absolutely none of her business.
pls. my parents WROTE A LETTER to the principal askin for approval ok. if the PRINCIPAL had anything to say abt it, she would've talked to me personally or rejected the request for leave. but she APPROVED, thank you very much. honestly, for someone who is a workin adult with highly educated mind and a child of her own, this tchr really isnt very wise or mature in handling social affairs.
i know you may think im jumpin to conclusion, but telling the vice principal sth like that is what this tchr of mine is likely to commit. and even my classmates realised the coincidences. one even came to ask me, "hey, the vice principal was talkin abt you right?"
it's - not - my - fault, ok!! why does she hate me so much? i think she thinks i've got serious AP, but i dont care. not for a tchr like that anyway. i dont change for ppl who only think for themselves.
wait, before you think im not mature enough to think open mindedly, let me just tell you that i've tried to keep a neutral mind when she's around, and i've given her alot of chances to prove she's a brilliant tchr AND character. and i admit there was a period of time i even started acting sweet and obedient around her just to make her not hate me, and things improved slightly. but then it was short term, and i want to be myself. so i gave up.
im not makin judgements abt her. im not fit to. because only God can judge. as a christian herself, she shld understand, but she doesnt. she judges me, and everyone else in class. i really dont know what to say abt her anymore. this shall me the one and only entry dedicated to her. and after i end this, i'll bury all hard feelings in my heart and never raise the issue of this form tchr of mine again.
it's not like me to keep ranting on abt someone or an event. i talk abt it once and i forget it. or at least i try to. it's so sad if i have to bottle up all the negative vibes. so yea. im sry if i sounded like an irrational, childish, stupid 7 yr old girl in this entry, but i really had to let it out.
anyway i think it doesnt matter, because everyone seems really busy nowadays, so i dont think anyone's reading this. which is fine with me, coz my recent few entries seem to be kindda personal.
to my form tchr:i really think u can be a very successful tchr if you'll just take your eyes off those few talented students in your class, and focus on the others for a change. give others a chance too, because there are many who believe in themselves and want a chance to prove themselves. but you have silenced them, and i pray it doesnt cost you anything more than a few enemies made in your life.
but i also want to thank you for your disbelief in all of us, because it has made me want to do my best and prove you wrong. is this ur intention? to provoke us enough to make us work hard? if it is, congrats, your ingenious plan is workin for me. i will prove you wrong, or all ppl. i don't usually waste time and effort on someone who doesnt believe in me, but you're different. for you, im willing to give it my all in life and show you that i dont have to please you to please God, because i have never met anyone who has so little trust and confidence in me that im starting to wonder if im any good at all.
i believe i have got what it takes to be that someone i want to be, or rather, what He wants me to be. i believe He has great plans for me, and even if you dont think i'll come to any good, He will lead me to my victory. thank you for encouraging me in life so indirectly, however ironic it may seem. and i just want to tell you...
just wait and see.
all the best, and God bless.
love,
jenny
your student forever.
tranquility ; 7/11/2006 03:26:00 pm.
10.7.06
i so wanted to bl0g abt the yf+syf outing last sunday to macritchie reservoir, so many funny things happened! but then i was just ending the post when the comp crashed on me. so now im in no mood to re-write the post.
anyway, sch's getting busy already. tests starting to pile in, and everyone's reaching what our vice-principal calls the "halfway mark".you know. that's when you start to feel really tired and want to give up. but yet this is the most crucial point of time in a yr. it's the time to chiong and pia all your sweat and blood. ok. gross example. but yea anyway.
i dont know why, but i was feeling kindda weird after the outing. like a little dull and not here in this world. sth just keeps buggin me, but i dont know what. i hope it's nth like deja vu. i guess it's coz i got to talk with some ppl more senior to me, during the outing i mean.and these talks tend to get rather cheem and thought provoking. so maybe im subconsciously pondering abt sth brought up during one of the talks, but im at the same time forcing myself to keep doin work so i wont think abt these things.
this is so silly.i dont even know what im afraid to think abt! im startin to pick up habits of the past,like listening to music before i sleep, getting to sch early and doin work seriously,slaving myself in the day so i can fall asleep immediately at night and not think of anything...
what is going on??! is this suppose to be the next phase of my teenhood, since im 16 now? why issit that i feel as though i've been through this kind of weird ripple of actions before? and i dont like it. honestly.
i hope it ends quick. i keep telling myself to stop thinkin so much. and i discovered playing holy hymns at the piano seriously soothes me. hmm. maybe i shld do that more often. it'll evoke my passion for music again.
and worse thing is, im not even telling my good friends abt all these. im blogging abt it. that's stupid. coz friends are there to encourage and support each other, right? so, like, am i turning zombie again?
maybe it's my grandpa's alimentary cancer and his operation tmr, or maybe it's sth i heard and talked abt at the outing, or maybe it's some sch curse, or maybe... (guess guess guess)
wadeva. i hate questioning myself. i dont know what im thinkin. can you pls tell the inner jenny to just shut up and do her daily work? she's like tryin to tell me sth.
oh GOSH. am i suffering from split personality? EEK.
naw. i think i was just dramatising what's happening now. in a nutshell, i've just been thinkin (but not really allowing myself to think) abt some things. i think i know what they are, but then again, i dont know.
ok don't wry. im fine.
just forgive me if im not myself in sch or church (not likely though. i thought i acted quite well in sch today).
tranquility ; 7/10/2006 10:29:00 pm.
i so wanted to bl0g abt the yf+syf outing last sunday to macritchie reservoir, so many funny things happened! but then i was just ending the post when the comp crashed on me. so now im in no mood to re-write the post.
anyway, sch's getting busy already. tests starting to pile in, and everyone's reaching what our vice-principal calls the "halfway mark".you know. that's when you start to feel really tired and want to give up. but yet this is the most crucial point of time in a yr. it's the time to chiong and pia all your sweat and blood. ok. gross example. but yea anyway.
i dont know why, but i was feeling kindda weird after the outing. like a little dull and not here in this world. sth just keeps buggin me, but i dont know what. i hope it's nth like deja vu. i guess it's coz i got to talk with some ppl more senior to me, during the outing i mean.and these talks tend to get rather cheem and thought provoking. so maybe im subconsciously pondering abt sth brought up during one of the talks, but im at the same time forcing myself to keep doin work so i wont think abt these things.
this is so silly.i dont even know what im afraid to think abt! im startin to pick up habits of the past,like listening to music before i sleep, getting to sch early and doin work seriously,slaving myself in the day so i can fall asleep immediately at night and not think of anything...
what is going on??! is this suppose to be the next phase of my teenhood, since im 16 now? why issit that i feel as though i've been through this kind of weird ripple of actions before? and i dont like it. honestly.
i hope it ends quick. i keep telling myself to stop thinkin so much. and i discovered playing holy hymns at the piano seriously soothes me. hmm. maybe i shld do that more often. it'll evoke my passion for music again.
and worse thing is, im not even telling my good friends abt all these. im blogging abt it. that's stupid. coz friends are there to encourage and support each other, right? so, like, am i turning zombie again?
maybe it's my grandpa's alimentary cancer and his operation tmr, or maybe it's sth i heard and talked abt at the outing, or maybe it's some sch curse, or maybe... (guess guess guess)
wadeva. i hate questioning myself. i dont know what im thinkin. can you pls tell the inner jenny to just shut up and do her daily work? she's like tryin to tell me sth.
oh GOSH. am i suffering from split personality? EEK.
naw. i think i was just dramatising what's happening now. in a nutshell, i've just been thinkin (but not really allowing myself to think) abt some things. i think i know what they are, but then again, i dont know.
ok don't wry. im fine.
just forgive me if im not myself in sch or church (not likely though. i thought i acted quite well in sch today).
tranquility ; 7/10/2006 10:29:00 pm.
6.7.06
hah yea btw, ppl aged 15-18, pls help to do survey. yes, another one. it's similar to the first, but for a totally different cause and it's ALOT less sick. thanks a bunch everyone(:
Click here to take survey
tranquility ; 7/06/2006 08:44:00 pm.
i'm officially 16(: but it'll take another yr for me to
feel and
act 16! whoohoo. look forward to christmas now, jenny. oh but before that, rmb to plan joyce's major bday party next mth. she's really lookin forward to a big bang. and she still rmbs you promised a treasure hunt!! mann. kids have such excellent memory when it comes to nitty gritty stuffs. ah well. bdays are a big part of childhood.
ok, lunch break is over. time to go.
BYE!
tranquility ; 7/06/2006 12:56:00 pm.
31.7.06
SO overrated.
SO annoying.
SO blehh.
it's just a way for teachers to force us to dig out notes from donkey of yrs ago.and then for those disorganised souls like me,we'll be in a deep pile of workSHITs.
ha-di-ha goes the teacher.
it's just a mean to keep us on our toes.and for those inconsistent ppl like me,we find ourselves wobbling and toppling over.
la-di-la sings the teacher.
it's just a way to keep our midnight oil lamp burning coz apparently we have too much fossil fuels to spare on this earth.and for those poor kids like me who cant afford the oil,we study in the dark and fall asleep.
tra-la-la cheers the teacher.
see.
it's an academic war.
it's us vs the books.
as well as a social war.
us vs the teachers.
but most importantly,it's a battle of me and myself.
and victory shall be mine!
tranquility ; 7/31/2006 09:33:00 pm.
29.7.06
watched cabaret at esplanade today.it's a sexy,sexual,and spicy musical,yet sad and a little dark,with hidden messages and some kind of mockery as well (to me it seemed like mockery).it's basically abt the love between 4 ppl and how they are forced apart by the Nazi and Jew conflict and shows how the ppl of Berlin at that time could continue their scandalous and wild lives despite the political issues.some chose to ignore it,and some chose to runaway with,while the rest went with the flow.
the musical basically shines a new light on the Nazi issue that we've been studyin in history lessons.it is not merely an issue of religion rights or manslaughter anymore.it's abt a bigger problem that it might have caused,like seperating two in love,or causing bad blood amongst the germans.
a casual audience of the musical might've just loved the show for it's glitterness and hot bods,but as much as i'd like to appreciate cabaret at that level too,i couldnt block out the msgs that jumped out at me especially in Act 2.
it's kindda sad honestly speakin.the show was so witty and vibrant,and even the sad parts didnt seem touching enough,yet i know the issues behind it were serious ones.
i suppose it's not good to think too much while trying to be entertained.
anyway,feixiang was the best k.when he came out at the end of the show to bow,ppl actually cheered (me included),although gloria told me later that we're not supposed to cheer in the esplanade threatre,which apparently is a high class place.
i was wearing jeans,sleeveless shirt with a jacket,white slippers,and carrying a traditional lookin sling bag from bali.
hardly the kind of outfit you wear to the esplanade.but how was i to know?i pictured it to be like victoria concert hall or sth.
hmm.
anyway.
there were other girls from nanyang sitted around me and gloria.and they were dressed v.posh-ly k.super short skirt and fanciful accessories.
i think i was the only one who wasnt cold.
so gloria actually commented that the musical was abt the ppl on stage,and not abt those girls who dressed up so much.and i agreed.honestly.you can so tell if a girl is from a girls school.it just shows.
oh crap.
am i bitching?
a year ago i would've been like those grps of girls.as long as im out of my home,i'll be dressed in my best and always thinkin that some hot guy is lookin at me, then i'll be giggling and acting girl cool.
SO not me now.
i feel comfortable in jeans and shirt.
so there.
i cant quite stand the way some girls in sch look at me outside sch.it's like a Mahattan once-over,as rebbeca bloomwood the shopaholic puts it.they just glance down you and decide if they like you from the way you dress,walk,talk,and carry yourself.
is it just girls school or what?
i used to be seriously bothered by such girls and forever self conscious.but now i honestly dont care.i dont give them any attitude,but when they look at me with that kind of critical eyes,i just smile innocently and silently tell them i know im worth something in God's eyes.
in the past,i used to think no one will like me,be it a guy or girl.so when guys actually say they like me(
not like there are alot ok,im just saying it to elaborate my point on self consciousness),i find all sorts of excuses to tell myself they dont mean it.
like,you havent seen the real me.or it's just because i have long hair.
that kind of thing.
i just refuse to believe im worth liking.
now,it's different.
ever since i broke contact with all my online friends,no guy has confessed that he likes me,YET i feel at peace,and i feel more valued and worth loving than i have ever felt.
when i see couples down the road,i feel warm and smiley,not because im envious,but because i know someday God will arrange such a person to come into my life too.
and i just know,even if all my girl friends are paired off with hot shots, and im left alone,i won't be upset.because there is a promise in my heart.
a promise of faith.
tranquility ; 7/29/2006 08:46:00 pm.
28.7.06
i just love fridays.
everyday should be a friday.honestly.
even if it's just pretend fridays.we should at least try and be in a friday mood each day.coz everyone feels slack and relaxed on fridays.and on such days,we're usually in better spirits,so stress and anger dont come to us so easily.
then the world will be a better place,maybe.
point is,im feeling really peaceful and lighthearted now.things cant be better.or maybe they have,but this is not any worser than my worst day.
grandpa's out of hospital,and everyone's so relieved!praise the Lord(:
i hope he'll seriously quit smokin now.hmm ok im actually feeling kindda inspired now,coz i just finished Shopaholic Ties The Knot,it's a fabulous bk,and not at all shallow.maybe just abit.and i totally dislike rebecca bloomwood at first,then towards the end i changed my mind.one should always be prepared to hate ppl like rebecca first,for her lack of self discipline and completely bimbotic mind.but one should also be prepared to always give her another chance too,because you never know when she can prove you wrong and do sth dramatic and awesome.im goin to read Shopaholic and Sister soon.jamie borrowed it for me.cresent girls' sch library rocks to high heavens.they have such hip books.mine has C.S.Lewis and such.not that i dont appreciate them.i do.but too much philosophical and literature bks can make one a little dull and boring after a while.so anyway.i discovered this fantastic secret place near sch.shant say where,but it's amazing.like this pretty little cubby hole with hidden treasures.literally.the stuffs there are c-o-o-l!i never really use that word coz i find it so cliche,but this word seriously suits the things in this shop.the latest and cutest designs of gifts can be found there.again,i shant say where it is located.but it's very convenient for me.^.^but point is,from now on,jenny's presents to her dear friends will never be the same again!be prepared to receive wonderful prezzies from this day on!p.s if interested in the shop location,ask me personally ;)actually i've been thinkin abt what lynn and me have been chatting abt lately.relationships.she asked me more than once: how will you know?i've thought about that too.how will i know if i've met the one right for me?i know,im only 16,but isnt that like the unofficial age to think abt such things in this modern era of technology and bimbotic-ness?anyway,i came to no conclusion whatsoever.i told lynn you would feel it when you meet him,but im not so sure myself.i mean,Boy Meets Girl make it sound so easy,but is it really?i tried to ask mum once,did she feel a zing in her heart when she first met dad?or was it like a gradual thing that just ended up with them married?i didn't get a satisfactory answer.and honestly,i have no idea how to ask the experienced ones in church.they should know right?but how exactly do i say it?i cant just walk up to them.can i?maybe i can.but it's so weird!hmm.i think yulan has once attempted to explain this to me.last yr.when i was sort of in a spiritual crisis.but i forgot her answers.craps.im always forgettin answers to impt questions such as these.like,what's my role in the yf exco and am i really suited for this role?i keep forgettin junan's answers to this critical question,but i've got it locked in my mind now.anyway,i've decided not to think abt such sad and depressing things in life.i'll think abt them when the time comes and i feel gloomy enough.but for now,i'll just enjoy school(:
tranquility ; 7/28/2006 05:15:00 pm.
27.7.06
this is a special wk in nanyang. as always, it is traditional for all IP students to take up 4 sabbatical courses every yr. Each course will be a wk of activities ranging from sports to music, arts to science, depending on what your choice is. and for that whole wk, you'll just be in sch for that course.
one.whole.day.
one.whole.week.
it's cool.
i guess.
unless you're takin a translation course,which teaches you really BASIC stuffs abt translation, from chi to eng, and vice versa. it's fun sometimes, but i found many classmates snoozing away (me included.im sry!), and some like my table partner cum 3rd bestie just doodles in her writing pad.
the tchr's fun and all i suppose. she laughs alot in this horsy sort of way, and she's really nice and friendly, not at all bothered with formalties like "Class Stand!"and "Class Greet!". which is a bonus for me, becuase i seriously cant stand ppl who
demand for respect.
so anyway, im sleeping now, so i won't doze off again tmr. the last day of sabbatical. i think i'll miss her. she's a motherly sort of woman. but then i definitely wont be missing the lessons anytime too soon.
pls.are we bsp students doomed to such a sad fate? the lower sec IP students are takin courses like
roller blading and
scuba diving!!
I'm sry dear God, im not exactly being very grateful here. forgive me. and grant me a peaceful heart so i may endure all these with the patience and kindness that will please you.
Amen.
(anyway, i finished this website for jamie's project, and im SO happy with myself. it's not my best effort though. ahh well. gimme more time and i'll give you sth better!)
tranquility ; 7/27/2006 10:29:00 pm.
23.7.06
Today is
brothers' day!!the yf prog turned out fine,even though there were a lot of last min hiccups and bad miscommunication.praise the Lord(:
so anyway,i'd skip straight to the interesting part,which is the last segment of the prog.during the wk,each sister had taken time off to give nice comments abt each brother and sent their lists to michelle.she compiled everything into a lovely ppt and the brothers got a chance to know what we love abt them!
but some of my comments were rather long,so michelle didnt use all.so,while i still have time now,i'll post the full list up here.brothers,read and feel
loved(:
Zhixuan – He’s like my friendly inner conscience, always reminding me to study when I go online for too long and too often >.< Great guy and great friend! (Personally I find it quite disappointing that he doesn’t really have a gf called Rebecca!)
Guowei – A fatherly figure in yf, always ready to give out advice and encouragement to us!
Yongliang – A kid at heart despite his age! All his weird funny jokes are a big part of him…!
Haowen – Always there at the right time with the right words and right attitude, focused and level headed, a reliable and trustworthy brother(: Thanks bunchies for the prayer support!
Yilun – Very busy guy!! But always ready to lend a listening ear and quote some cheem cheem words from the bible or something to encourage people ;p
Henry – I think he looks quite xiong leh, but actually he’s very harmless and very nice :D Like that time I fell asleep on bus trip in Balai and unknowingly leaned against his back, then he just sat there the whole journey! Next time can just wake me!! ><
Ivan – Ivan ah… CHICKEN DANCE!! Na na na na na, na na na na na…
Mingyao – He’s very friendly and actually one of the very few people who talked to me first when I joined yf last year. I remember very clearly last year’s outing to Sentosa, when he just suddenly talked to me about school or something. He created a very good impression of yf for me!(:
Zhengxuan – I don’t see him a lot around church, but when I do, he and sixuan always hanging out together, so I suppose he’s a really good brother!
Samuel – He’s like a kid trying his best to grow up, but funny in his own ways, and he’s quite obedient to his sis as compared to other boys his age.
Wenjun –He is… softspoken? Haha.
William – A nice and inquisitive guy.
Nicholas – He is like this huge friendly rubbish bin for me to dump my lousy emotions into! He can take almost anything and can listen to nearly everything without blowing his top immediately. A brilliant listener!Junan - Cute cute cute cute cuteee!in his kiddish way(:Although very knowledgable abt the bible as compared to yours truly,he doesnt speak in cheemology,instead,he talks abt things that really makes you laugh!but when he gets serious once in a million yrs,beware!there you have it.a wonderful tribute to my dear brothers(:love you,you,and YOU!!
tranquility ; 7/23/2006 07:55:00 pm.
18.7.06
brothers' day this coming sunday!!(: me and tiff are ICs,but together with the other sisters,we've come up with a fabulous prog for our dear brothers ^-^ *can't wait!*
physics SPA (student practical assessment) tmr,then chem test on thurs.abit stressed now.but it's normal.
lynn and grp did CME project presentation today,their topic was called Blood Type,Horoscope,Education Status in relation with marriage!quite an interesting presentation,and it says for my horoscope,cancer,i treat marriage as a huge part of life,without marriage,there's no happiness to talk abt!
haha not sure how true that is,but i do believe we're made in pairs.one day everyone will meet someone he or she loves,unless you are called by God to celibracy!anyway,danxun,pls dont blurt out to anyone the contents of our talk last night k.not that i dont trust you.i do.and i know you won't do anything that'll embarrass me;)
tranquility ; 7/18/2006 03:25:00 pm.
thinking of changing blogskin. not in a very good mood nowdays. a little drowsy and dull. must be the exam mood coming in.
gonna send manuscript to Flame of the Forest publisher and see if they'll publish my book. starting on bk2 after EOYs.
tranquility ; 7/14/2006 04:00:00 pm.
12.7.06
maths test screwed. went to watch pirates of the carribean with sinyee, dingjia, jas and yoyo. it is more suspenseful, exciting and have a better plot than part 1. lookin forward to part 3!!
took some neos. will post them here asap.bad voodoo feeling gone now.
reading Boy Meets Girl. it rocks!(:
tranquility ; 7/12/2006 08:39:00 pm.
11.7.06
definitely feeling better today, probably because i didn't really get any quiet time for myself. first it was chem quiz in the morning, then CME presentation in the aftnn (which, btw, was another horrible story abt me and a lousy tchr who picked at the presentation so awfully a hell lot that i was beginning to think she had sth against me. and all of us actually stayed up late to complete a completely trivial presentation like CME), then later after going home from cca i'll need to study for maths quiz tmr.
fun thing to look forward is, tmr after sch me and frens will be watching pirates of carribean. so cool. on the first day of showing too!*grins*ok yea so anyway, i'll elaborate a little more abt the lousy tchr.
firstly, let me explain she is a
knowledgable tchr, and she's really
serious abt teaching. she puts in alot of
effort to prepare for each lesson and she takes her job seriously. she wants to make sure every student understands and pays attention every class. which is good, really. but as a character, she has a lot to learn.
if you trace my entries to the start of the yr, you'll notice that i've been overseas an awful lot of times this yr, which is uncommon, i know. but this yr is an exception. it truly is. what this tchr doesnt understand is that it's not MY idea, ok? it's my parents. i tried to escape the trip to bali, i also tried to stay for sabbatical, but they said it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to go bali, and i only visit china once in 4 yrs. so i have reason to say no right? besides, my entire family tree is in china, i HAVE TO go back this yr, if not there wont be another chance, seeing A'levels is coming up next.
so my point is, it's really NOT as if i psycho-ed my parents into takin me overseas; and it's also NOT as if i was tryin to escape sabbaticals by goin overseas. i love sabbaticals, i honestly do. i think they provide me with opportunities to learn and get exposed to different things in life. but the tchr doesnt understand.
today during special interest lecture, the vice principal went up onto the platform to address the sec4 IP students, and when she rounded up her speech, she said, "I hope everyone takes this sabbatical seriously, i have been told by one tchr that a student has been makin all sorts of excuses to run to china just to escape sabbaticals...
blah blah blah."
i dont have an attitude problem, i just dont like it when tchrs think they can lord over us because we're alot younger than them and they are apparently our Teachers. like wow. i respect ppl who deserve and earn my respect rightfully, not by demand. i respect my seniors in sch and church because they have vast experiences and knowledge that i dont. i respect tchrs because they are patient and passionate abt their work AND STUDENTS.
i certainly DO NOT respect a tchr who looks down on a student because her chinese grade is one of the lowest in class. and i also DO NOT respect a tchr who interprets a student's actions WRONGLY and tells the vice principal stupid fat lies which concern things that are absolutely none of her business.
pls. my parents WROTE A LETTER to the principal askin for approval ok. if the PRINCIPAL had anything to say abt it, she would've talked to me personally or rejected the request for leave. but she APPROVED, thank you very much. honestly, for someone who is a workin adult with highly educated mind and a child of her own, this tchr really isnt very wise or mature in handling social affairs.
i know you may think im jumpin to conclusion, but telling the vice principal sth like that is what this tchr of mine is likely to commit. and even my classmates realised the coincidences. one even came to ask me, "hey, the vice principal was talkin abt you right?"
it's - not - my - fault, ok!! why does she hate me so much? i think she thinks i've got serious AP, but i dont care. not for a tchr like that anyway. i dont change for ppl who only think for themselves.
wait, before you think im not mature enough to think open mindedly, let me just tell you that i've tried to keep a neutral mind when she's around, and i've given her alot of chances to prove she's a brilliant tchr AND character. and i admit there was a period of time i even started acting sweet and obedient around her just to make her not hate me, and things improved slightly. but then it was short term, and i want to be myself. so i gave up.
im not makin judgements abt her. im not fit to. because only God can judge. as a christian herself, she shld understand, but she doesnt. she judges me, and everyone else in class. i really dont know what to say abt her anymore. this shall me the one and only entry dedicated to her. and after i end this, i'll bury all hard feelings in my heart and never raise the issue of this form tchr of mine again.
it's not like me to keep ranting on abt someone or an event. i talk abt it once and i forget it. or at least i try to. it's so sad if i have to bottle up all the negative vibes. so yea. im sry if i sounded like an irrational, childish, stupid 7 yr old girl in this entry, but i really had to let it out.
anyway i think it doesnt matter, because everyone seems really busy nowadays, so i dont think anyone's reading this. which is fine with me, coz my recent few entries seem to be kindda personal.
to my form tchr:i really think u can be a very successful tchr if you'll just take your eyes off those few talented students in your class, and focus on the others for a change. give others a chance too, because there are many who believe in themselves and want a chance to prove themselves. but you have silenced them, and i pray it doesnt cost you anything more than a few enemies made in your life.
but i also want to thank you for your disbelief in all of us, because it has made me want to do my best and prove you wrong. is this ur intention? to provoke us enough to make us work hard? if it is, congrats, your ingenious plan is workin for me. i will prove you wrong, or all ppl. i don't usually waste time and effort on someone who doesnt believe in me, but you're different. for you, im willing to give it my all in life and show you that i dont have to please you to please God, because i have never met anyone who has so little trust and confidence in me that im starting to wonder if im any good at all.
i believe i have got what it takes to be that someone i want to be, or rather, what He wants me to be. i believe He has great plans for me, and even if you dont think i'll come to any good, He will lead me to my victory. thank you for encouraging me in life so indirectly, however ironic it may seem. and i just want to tell you...
just wait and see.
all the best, and God bless.
love,
jenny
your student forever.
tranquility ; 7/11/2006 03:26:00 pm.
10.7.06
i so wanted to bl0g abt the yf+syf outing last sunday to macritchie reservoir, so many funny things happened! but then i was just ending the post when the comp crashed on me. so now im in no mood to re-write the post.
anyway, sch's getting busy already. tests starting to pile in, and everyone's reaching what our vice-principal calls the "halfway mark".you know. that's when you start to feel really tired and want to give up. but yet this is the most crucial point of time in a yr. it's the time to chiong and pia all your sweat and blood. ok. gross example. but yea anyway.
i dont know why, but i was feeling kindda weird after the outing. like a little dull and not here in this world. sth just keeps buggin me, but i dont know what. i hope it's nth like deja vu. i guess it's coz i got to talk with some ppl more senior to me, during the outing i mean.and these talks tend to get rather cheem and thought provoking. so maybe im subconsciously pondering abt sth brought up during one of the talks, but im at the same time forcing myself to keep doin work so i wont think abt these things.
this is so silly.i dont even know what im afraid to think abt! im startin to pick up habits of the past,like listening to music before i sleep, getting to sch early and doin work seriously,slaving myself in the day so i can fall asleep immediately at night and not think of anything...
what is going on??! is this suppose to be the next phase of my teenhood, since im 16 now? why issit that i feel as though i've been through this kind of weird ripple of actions before? and i dont like it. honestly.
i hope it ends quick. i keep telling myself to stop thinkin so much. and i discovered playing holy hymns at the piano seriously soothes me. hmm. maybe i shld do that more often. it'll evoke my passion for music again.
and worse thing is, im not even telling my good friends abt all these. im blogging abt it. that's stupid. coz friends are there to encourage and support each other, right? so, like, am i turning zombie again?
maybe it's my grandpa's alimentary cancer and his operation tmr, or maybe it's sth i heard and talked abt at the outing, or maybe it's some sch curse, or maybe... (guess guess guess)
wadeva. i hate questioning myself. i dont know what im thinkin. can you pls tell the inner jenny to just shut up and do her daily work? she's like tryin to tell me sth.
oh GOSH. am i suffering from split personality? EEK.
naw. i think i was just dramatising what's happening now. in a nutshell, i've just been thinkin (but not really allowing myself to think) abt some things. i think i know what they are, but then again, i dont know.
ok don't wry. im fine.
just forgive me if im not myself in sch or church (not likely though. i thought i acted quite well in sch today).
tranquility ; 7/10/2006 10:29:00 pm.
i so wanted to bl0g abt the yf+syf outing last sunday to macritchie reservoir, so many funny things happened! but then i was just ending the post when the comp crashed on me. so now im in no mood to re-write the post.
anyway, sch's getting busy already. tests starting to pile in, and everyone's reaching what our vice-principal calls the "halfway mark".you know. that's when you start to feel really tired and want to give up. but yet this is the most crucial point of time in a yr. it's the time to chiong and pia all your sweat and blood. ok. gross example. but yea anyway.
i dont know why, but i was feeling kindda weird after the outing. like a little dull and not here in this world. sth just keeps buggin me, but i dont know what. i hope it's nth like deja vu. i guess it's coz i got to talk with some ppl more senior to me, during the outing i mean.and these talks tend to get rather cheem and thought provoking. so maybe im subconsciously pondering abt sth brought up during one of the talks, but im at the same time forcing myself to keep doin work so i wont think abt these things.
this is so silly.i dont even know what im afraid to think abt! im startin to pick up habits of the past,like listening to music before i sleep, getting to sch early and doin work seriously,slaving myself in the day so i can fall asleep immediately at night and not think of anything...
what is going on??! is this suppose to be the next phase of my teenhood, since im 16 now? why issit that i feel as though i've been through this kind of weird ripple of actions before? and i dont like it. honestly.
i hope it ends quick. i keep telling myself to stop thinkin so much. and i discovered playing holy hymns at the piano seriously soothes me. hmm. maybe i shld do that more often. it'll evoke my passion for music again.
and worse thing is, im not even telling my good friends abt all these. im blogging abt it. that's stupid. coz friends are there to encourage and support each other, right? so, like, am i turning zombie again?
maybe it's my grandpa's alimentary cancer and his operation tmr, or maybe it's sth i heard and talked abt at the outing, or maybe it's some sch curse, or maybe... (guess guess guess)
wadeva. i hate questioning myself. i dont know what im thinkin. can you pls tell the inner jenny to just shut up and do her daily work? she's like tryin to tell me sth.
oh GOSH. am i suffering from split personality? EEK.
naw. i think i was just dramatising what's happening now. in a nutshell, i've just been thinkin (but not really allowing myself to think) abt some things. i think i know what they are, but then again, i dont know.
ok don't wry. im fine.
just forgive me if im not myself in sch or church (not likely though. i thought i acted quite well in sch today).
tranquility ; 7/10/2006 10:29:00 pm.
6.7.06
hah yea btw, ppl aged 15-18, pls help to do survey. yes, another one. it's similar to the first, but for a totally different cause and it's ALOT less sick. thanks a bunch everyone(:
Click here to take survey
tranquility ; 7/06/2006 08:44:00 pm.
i'm officially 16(: but it'll take another yr for me to
feel and
act 16! whoohoo. look forward to christmas now, jenny. oh but before that, rmb to plan joyce's major bday party next mth. she's really lookin forward to a big bang. and she still rmbs you promised a treasure hunt!! mann. kids have such excellent memory when it comes to nitty gritty stuffs. ah well. bdays are a big part of childhood.
ok, lunch break is over. time to go.
BYE!
tranquility ; 7/06/2006 12:56:00 pm.
