29.7.06
watched cabaret at esplanade today.it's a sexy,sexual,and spicy musical,yet sad and a little dark,with hidden messages and some kind of mockery as well (to me it seemed like mockery).it's basically abt the love between 4 ppl and how they are forced apart by the Nazi and Jew conflict and shows how the ppl of Berlin at that time could continue their scandalous and wild lives despite the political issues.some chose to ignore it,and some chose to runaway with,while the rest went with the flow.
the musical basically shines a new light on the Nazi issue that we've been studyin in history lessons.it is not merely an issue of religion rights or manslaughter anymore.it's abt a bigger problem that it might have caused,like seperating two in love,or causing bad blood amongst the germans.
a casual audience of the musical might've just loved the show for it's glitterness and hot bods,but as much as i'd like to appreciate cabaret at that level too,i couldnt block out the msgs that jumped out at me especially in Act 2.
it's kindda sad honestly speakin.the show was so witty and vibrant,and even the sad parts didnt seem touching enough,yet i know the issues behind it were serious ones.
i suppose it's not good to think too much while trying to be entertained.
anyway,feixiang was the best k.when he came out at the end of the show to bow,ppl actually cheered (me included),although gloria told me later that we're not supposed to cheer in the esplanade threatre,which apparently is a high class place.
i was wearing jeans,sleeveless shirt with a jacket,white slippers,and carrying a traditional lookin sling bag from bali.
hardly the kind of outfit you wear to the esplanade.but how was i to know?i pictured it to be like victoria concert hall or sth.
hmm.
anyway.
there were other girls from nanyang sitted around me and gloria.and they were dressed v.posh-ly k.super short skirt and fanciful accessories.
i think i was the only one who wasnt cold.
so gloria actually commented that the musical was abt the ppl on stage,and not abt those girls who dressed up so much.and i agreed.honestly.you can so tell if a girl is from a girls school.it just shows.
oh crap.
am i bitching?
a year ago i would've been like those grps of girls.as long as im out of my home,i'll be dressed in my best and always thinkin that some hot guy is lookin at me, then i'll be giggling and acting girl cool.
SO not me now.
i feel comfortable in jeans and shirt.
so there.
i cant quite stand the way some girls in sch look at me outside sch.it's like a Mahattan once-over,as rebbeca bloomwood the shopaholic puts it.they just glance down you and decide if they like you from the way you dress,walk,talk,and carry yourself.
is it just girls school or what?
i used to be seriously bothered by such girls and forever self conscious.but now i honestly dont care.i dont give them any attitude,but when they look at me with that kind of critical eyes,i just smile innocently and silently tell them i know im worth something in God's eyes.
in the past,i used to think no one will like me,be it a guy or girl.so when guys actually say they like me(
not like there are alot ok,im just saying it to elaborate my point on self consciousness),i find all sorts of excuses to tell myself they dont mean it.
like,you havent seen the real me.or it's just because i have long hair.
that kind of thing.
i just refuse to believe im worth liking.
now,it's different.
ever since i broke contact with all my online friends,no guy has confessed that he likes me,YET i feel at peace,and i feel more valued and worth loving than i have ever felt.
when i see couples down the road,i feel warm and smiley,not because im envious,but because i know someday God will arrange such a person to come into my life too.
and i just know,even if all my girl friends are paired off with hot shots, and im left alone,i won't be upset.because there is a promise in my heart.
a promise of faith.
tranquility ; 7/29/2006 08:46:00 pm.
