10.7.06
i so wanted to bl0g abt the yf+syf outing last sunday to macritchie reservoir, so many funny things happened! but then i was just ending the post when the comp crashed on me. so now im in no mood to re-write the post.
anyway, sch's getting busy already. tests starting to pile in, and everyone's reaching what our vice-principal calls the "halfway mark".you know. that's when you start to feel really tired and want to give up. but yet this is the most crucial point of time in a yr. it's the time to chiong and pia all your sweat and blood. ok. gross example. but yea anyway.
i dont know why, but i was feeling kindda weird after the outing. like a little dull and not here in this world. sth just keeps buggin me, but i dont know what. i hope it's nth like deja vu. i guess it's coz i got to talk with some ppl more senior to me, during the outing i mean.and these talks tend to get rather cheem and thought provoking. so maybe im subconsciously pondering abt sth brought up during one of the talks, but im at the same time forcing myself to keep doin work so i wont think abt these things.
this is so silly.i dont even know what im afraid to think abt! im startin to pick up habits of the past,like listening to music before i sleep, getting to sch early and doin work seriously,slaving myself in the day so i can fall asleep immediately at night and not think of anything...
what is going on??! is this suppose to be the next phase of my teenhood, since im 16 now? why issit that i feel as though i've been through this kind of weird ripple of actions before? and i dont like it. honestly.
i hope it ends quick. i keep telling myself to stop thinkin so much. and i discovered playing holy hymns at the piano seriously soothes me. hmm. maybe i shld do that more often. it'll evoke my passion for music again.
and worse thing is, im not even telling my good friends abt all these. im blogging abt it. that's stupid. coz friends are there to encourage and support each other, right? so, like, am i turning zombie again?
maybe it's my grandpa's alimentary cancer and his operation tmr, or maybe it's sth i heard and talked abt at the outing, or maybe it's some sch curse, or maybe... (guess guess guess)
wadeva. i hate questioning myself. i dont know what im thinkin. can you pls tell the inner jenny to just shut up and do her daily work? she's like tryin to tell me sth.
oh GOSH. am i suffering from split personality? EEK.
naw. i think i was just dramatising what's happening now. in a nutshell, i've just been thinkin (but not really allowing myself to think) abt some things. i think i know what they are, but then again, i dont know.
ok don't wry. im fine.
just forgive me if im not myself in sch or church (not likely though. i thought i acted quite well in sch today).
tranquility ; 7/10/2006 10:29:00 pm.
