31.8.06
yayy im tirrred of studyin,so i was wondering what i could possibly post abt..then i rmbed i owe you nice ppl some
photos from my 2wks china trip this june hol(:
here they are!enjoy(:
Guoyang:
this is a typical scene at the breakfast table in guoyang,where my maternal relatives live.can see the food clearly?soya milk, prata, youtiao..
ok these are my maternal grandparents..the one in the centre passed away a few wks after we left for singapore..
roof top of grandparents' house(: it used to be a garden,but now it's just an empty space.no safety fences!>.<
trishaw!(:the cutest thing abt china.
my maternal grandpa simply ADORES cats and dogs.this is the bitch that gave birth to that little cutie.hmm looks like diff breeds hor.but they are blood related.
relative of maternal side!oh but the guy at the back is my cousin,the one wearing specs.it was kindda awkward seeing him again aft 4yrs,coz he's all grown up and..better lookin.wonder if i've changed..
younger cousins of maternal side(:
this is taken at the campus of Sci and Tech University in heifei,abt 2 or 3 hrs drive from guoyang.my mum's eldest sister and his husband are professors cum researchers here(:there's this really lovely lake in the campus,and a small area of bamboo shoots!
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yepps ok that's all for today.will upload more another time when im free.the server gets really slow after awhile..anyway,i went to..3 more places i think..my dad's village,huangshan and wuxi.
yup,gotta now(:
*NOTE:sorry the positioning of the pics and words are so screwed.i keep tryin but they wouldnt go right!u know,for someone who designs blogs,im not very good at this..
tranquility ; 8/31/2006 02:45:00 pm.
29.8.06
yayy im now an official designer like
coco!haha except i specialise in blog designs(:
yepp i registered for a blogskins acc ytd,after knowing alicia submitted her first skin and she wanted me to comment.yea so in case u dont know,my previous skin(the boy and girl holdin hands one),that was designed by urs truly,and also jamie's previous one(the broken heart and guitar one).
i guess i got into designing blog after getting sick and tired of surfing through blogskins.com for,like,an eternity trying to find the one im lookin for.yea,so rather than be picky,might as well design my own(:
ok yea enough history and self intro.
so,my user is jelly-o,so feel free to go blogskins.com to view my works in future.so far zilch inspiration to design and zero amt of time to find inspiration.but im sure once it comes,i'll have another fantastic skin coming right up!
haha anyway.mugging is going fine.the class has gotten into exams mood too,so im just going with the flow.
yupps going to shower,eat,and
study!!ciaoz...<3
tranquility ; 8/29/2006 06:30:00 pm.
24.8.06
cool.my dad read my blog ytd.or wassit the day before that?
i was fine with it.i mean i did write personal girlish stuffs,but that's ok.open relationship right?first step to good communication.
he gave me some helpful suggestions to improve my blog,and as u can see,i took his advice and modified my blog again.
after my maths remedial today,i feel totally recharged and ready to defeat evil Mr.Maths and the other evil minions *beams*
so anyway,just to let my lovely friends now how my mugging plan has been coming along...it's been great!honestly(:im sticking to it so far,and though i lagged the first 2 days,im catching up now.
..the tricky thing is to sleep before 12am now and not shortchange my sleep..hmm lets see now...how do we do that...
tranquility ; 8/24/2006 10:58:00 pm.
21.8.06
today was supposed to be the first official day of mugging.but i blew my plan.
...
...
...
SHUCKS.
tranquility ; 8/21/2006 09:11:00 pm.
20.8.06
last night i was by the latop until midnight,doing my exams revision schedule.and i must say,doing a revision timetable does get one into the mood of reivision plus it makes a girl feel good.
basically,i have assigned one day each wk for one subject.like,mondays for physics,tuesdays for maths etc.for maths,i have assigned 2 days,coz i just suck at it.and im determined to cut down on msn time,seeing that less than 10% of my time online is spent chatting.the new timing i have allocated has been decided after many mths of observation and noticing that this is the peak hour on msn.so,my new timing for msn will be daily from 9.30-10.30pm.apart from that,i wont be online,or at least not replying.
sounds good?yea i think so too.requires a hell lot of discipline.but dont worry,i can stick to that.and the new timing will take effect from..whenever i feel ready.
from past experience,i'll say grp studying works better for me,because if i do in alone,i either lose the focus within minutes or find no motivation to study.but if i go out to the library or somewhere with frens,there is a clear purpose and everyone knows what we're supposed to do,so in a way,"peer pressure" becomes good(:
anyway,i realise i have been blogging quite often recently.talk abt blogaholic.so with this revision schedule,i'll be free to post less often.but i'll pop in every now and then to keep everyone updated on my progress.
hopefully,this yr will be a case of success whereby i actually stick to my plan.
tranquility ; 8/20/2006 04:29:00 pm.
19.8.06
this is a test someone introduced me to,and it's good for self awareness(: try it:
http://www.queendom.com/tests/career/team_roles_access.html
my results:-
About Team Roles:The role we take on when part of a team has been defined by Dr. Meredith Belbin as "Our tendency to behave, contribute and interrelate with others in a particular way." We all have natural tendencies in workplace activities.
Determining your prefered team role can help you in your career planning and personal development decisions. For employers, this assessment can help in the selection and recruitment process and, most importantly, in the process of matching you with the right people and jobs.
The team role specified for you will reflect the behaviours and attitudes that you tend to adopt within a work team. No matter what role you tend to fill, each role is important and has its own strengths and weaknesses. Most people can and do assume each team role, to some degree. However, the following is the team role that you take on most naturally.
Results of your Team Roles Test:CoordinatorSimilar to:
Belbin's Co-ordinator
Margerison-McCann's Thruster-Organizer
MTR-I's Conductor
Your score = 90
What do your results mean?According to your score you seem to naturally gravitate towards the role of Coordinator in a group. This means that you like to organize tasks, assign them, and keep tabs on the teamwork being accomplished.
Description of the role:Coordinators are the people who keep precise notes, know exactly where the project is at any given point in time and call status meetings when needed. Being analytical organizers, Coordinators clarify goals, remove ambiguity from complex and difficult tasks, and hand out "to-do" lists or deadlines to team members.
Highly structured, mature and confident, Coordinators juggle priorities, keep track of the chronological order of task execution, tasks division and various assignments, and ensure the availability of resources - human, material or informational - when organizing a project. In short, good delegation skills and a keen sense of justice allow these indispensable team members to coordinate all efforts and implement decisions.
Strengths of the Role:The Coordinator is an integral role in any team; without this person work may never be accomplished with any semblance of order. The Coordinator is often the starter of a project. They collect the information, help develop plans, put them in order and hand out task assignments, often without being asked!
Coordinators tend to be efficient, down-to-earth individuals who rarely get sidetracked. They are goal-oriented and focused. The Coordinator is a powerful position because this person holds vital information and is aware of every aspect of the project.
Weaknesses of the Role:Coordinators can be perceived as bossy and overbearing. Occasionally they overstep their boundaries, especially when assigning work to other team members. Some Coordinators might get caught up in a project or task and forget about the personal or human aspect of teamwork and focus only on the goal and the process of reaching it.
tranquility ; 8/19/2006 09:28:00 pm.
18.8.06
as promised,i am here to post an entry on the issue of blogging.and no,it's not abt the moral issues that we've been debating abt.it's a very simple problem that i observed from my sister.
blogs are addictive.
after watching many debates abt the pros and cons of blogs,as well as participating in social debates among my frens with regard to this,i have come to realise that blogs are not merely a form of self expression,but also a social link that connects us with our friends,as many would agree.when we blog abt our daily experiences or read up abt the lives of our frens,we are in fact doing sharing,like what we do in yf.we understand each other more and know what they're going through in their life.
however,i have to comment on how this aim can be achieved when blogs have become sites for rantings and narration of what happened in the day.
blogs started out as an "online diary" and the meaning of a diary is a book where u pen down ur inner thoughts and reflections.but now,many bloggers are blogging abt seemingly meaningless things everyday,merely babbling abt their day in school,what happened on the bus,what they did in school etc etc.
i understand the fact that because it's an online publicised site,ppl naturally dont reveal all their private thoughts,and i am not here to criticise the contents of blogs nowadays.
my point is that since blogs nowadays are not revealing thoughts and reflections of their owners,how then do we seek a deeper understanding of each other's life?how can we truly understand our friends better when all they blog abt is what happened in class and how they hate the bloody maths portfolio?and if that's the case,what then is the meaning of blog surfing?
(again,i emphasise i am NOT criticising blog contents.)
read back to para3 of this entry,and u see that my point on blogs is that they are meant for us to understand each other better,unless of course,your intention is otherwise,which will mean you are plainly blog surfing to kill time and for self amusement.
so,back to my main focus.my sister jamie spends a lot of time reading her friends' blog entries and goin around tagging.this is nothing bad.it just shows how many friends she has.but i question the quality of her time spent.
(sry,jamie,i am not criticising you either.i just need a real life example to illustrate my point>.<)
out of that one hr she spends going around reading blogs and tagging,how much has she actually gained in terms of social understanding and self discovery and learning?at the end of the blog surfing session,has she gained any new knowledge of her friends?has she read something she could learn from?
if at the end of the day,she goes "ohhh...i didnt know XXX actually thinks so profoundly abt life..she never spoke much in class!and that's an interesting point she raised.." or "hey maybe there's more than meets the eye abt YYY..maybe she's a nice person afterall!hmm,maybe im too opinionated", then i will say her time on blogs is well spent.
if the entries she read allows her to think and reflect abt that person or herself,i have nth more to say except encourage her.however from what i see,not only from her but also my classmates,blogs have become a mean to find new topics for gossips and reading abt how others bitch abt those they hate/dislike.
in some cases,the narration of one's day can be done in an extremely hilarious way and jamie finds some relaxation and fun in reading blogs.to this i have no negative comments.because a while of relaxation is good for everyone.BUT,not when it becomes a daily ritual and the focus is lost.
i know not everyone can find interesting things to blog abt or do reflections on every single thing.maybe that's a reason not to blog every day.it's not a bad thing to blog every day,but im curious how someone can have something to say everyday if it's just narration and random babbling and rantings.dont they get tired and their readers bored?
for me,i appear to blog everyday,but i do so only when i feel inspired enough to discuss a certain topic or issue.in this case,i dont feel like im wasting my own time,because im forming my own thoughts and opinions.
i happen to be someone who doesnt think from all perspectives all the time,so it's perfectly normal if you disagree or strongly disagree with my points.so,feel free to tag ur opinions or discuss the issues with me further in details.
-------------------
to jamie,i hope you have learnt something from this.and this is my honest opinion abt ur time spent on blogs.im happy that you have nice seniors and friends,but it's getting ridiculous,seriously.
tranquility ; 8/18/2006 02:24:00 pm.
17.8.06
thanks to haowen,i was reminded last night of the power of a prayer.
i sat down to pray sincerely to the Lord about what to do with the dance competition.my frens had agreed to join me,and this is a huge obstacle cleared.yet i knew things were not so easy.so i asked the Lord.and He answered me.
i didnt hear Him speak to me like a godly voice from above or anything like that.in fact,i didnt even consider parental objection or other problems if i were to join.
all that came to mind was my two p.sch frens who agreed to join me.and that was enough for me to make my decision.they are both not in the IP,so they will have to take Os.i cannot be selfish because of my own dream,and i nearly was.
because i was so desperate to fulfil a childhood dream,i nearly dragged my two gd frens down with me.they could've done badly in Os because of this.and im glad He reminded me of what is impt to me in my life.
my friends.
it was because of this simple reason that i passed down the msg this morning to let my frens know i appreciate their support,but this time this yr is not suitable for us to take part in big competitions.so hopefully will have another chance.
besides,i figured if we all have a passion for dancing,this one competition wouldnt matter.we dance for ourselves,not for public entertainment or recognition.we'd find many more chances to perform and live our dreams(:
although,come to think abt it,i am shortchanging my friends in a way.because i never exactly discussed this with them.i mean,they have agreed to join me,so in a way we're a grp le.which means whatever decision has to be made as a grp right?
right.
and i made a decision without consulting them.i just msged them to let them know we shld concentrate on our eoys.which is really my own opinion and judgement.because for all i know,they may really want to do this competition.
hmm..i will have to talk to them soon.
here,i'll just give a little history of me and these two frens.both of them were one of those who supported me alot when i first started writing in p5.they were one of those who would "fight" to read my latest chapter every morning i reach school.it was because of ppl like them that i grew in my passion for writing.
and one of them,yongern,i once danced with in a danceworks competition.she was bubbly and fun,and from what i know,she still is.the other,tracy,had a feud with me when i first joined her class.we had a period of "cold battle" and picked on each other all the time.she was a bad kid wannabe,but eventually we ended up as gd frens,till now.and she's a much better girl now.someone i'll be proud to call my fren.
so,i will never forfeit their future because of my dreams.because they are an impt part of my memory and childhood.they still are.among many others i treasure.like gillian,melissa and shani.
thanks girls.
IJ all the way(:
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here's sth i cut out from my grp blog with the fivers.it's sweet and really inspiring!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you have to think before you speak to me!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..my presence ever makes you feel uncomfortable!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you have to thank me for everything I do for you!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you have to say sorry for everything that you don’t do!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you have to ask me for favours!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you think i would not be curious to know your new philosophy of life!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you go by what I say and do not understand what I don’t say!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you think that listening to your dreams would put me to sleep!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you think that seeing you in pain, would not bring a tear to me!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you think I do not remember the first time we met!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you don’t see the thousand ways I try to make you happy!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you don’t realize how your smile brightens up my day!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you would rather keep quiet when you really wanna talk!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you hesitate to ask me to stay back when you think we should be together!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you take too much time to tell me what i mean to you!
and we ARE friends(:
tranquility ; 8/17/2006 09:17:00 pm.
16.8.06
"dreams"must be my all time favourite topic,coz it's so debatable and a gd icebreaker in all occassions.anyway,im sure to talk abt sth that has been bothering me recently.
everyone says we must be brave and pursue our dreams,but how will we know if the dream is unrealistic for ourselves (e.g william hung trying to be world idol or sth),or even if that dream is in accordance to what He wants for us?
before u say,pray and seek the answer,i have tried.and each time i prayer for Him to speak to me abt His will for me,doors of opportunities just keep opening up in front of me.and i have NO idea if they are satan's ways of deceiving me abt God's words and misleading me,or are they like some sort of test for me.OR they are truly meant for me to enter.
to be more specific,i talking abt a certain dance competition called The Dance Floor,open for registration now and auditions are next mth.it's a grp dance competition,and u must enter as a grp of 2 to 6.
when i first saw this on the telly,i was
thrilled,i tell you.i have been
fantasising abt such a chance.it's crazy and weird.because ever since i started learning jazzfunk last yr(no,maybe even earlier than that),i've started fantasising takin part in dance competitions with my gd frens as a bloody brilliant girls grp.
it's a fantasy,really.until this competition came out.and it's like i just
knew sth like that would happen.i mean,i admit i joined a few singing competitions and ended up nowhere,but believe me,dancing is more me than singing!it's like when we had dance P.E module this yr,i just loved it SO much.and i think if i were to join this competition,my dance P.E tchr would support me.
but problem is,im not sure if i have the courage,the
will,to join this competition.i've been subjected to so many failures in my attempts to pursue my "dreams" that im starting to think my dreams are really doomed to be just...dreams.
firstly,i dont exactly have a dance grp like in my fantasies.my gd frens are nice and lovely ppl,but they dont exactly adore dancing.
secondly,my exams are coming up,and although the auditions are way before the exams,i feel like i shld spend time doin more constructive things.
thirdly,even if i once learnt hiphop in a class with high potential,it doesnt mean im goin to get very far in the competition,like maybe not even past auditions,or second round.so why waste time right?
fourthly,dad and mum will never agree.and i need parental consent to register.
lastly,and this is kindda of family reason as well,so i cant broadcast it here,but point is,i wont be staying long enough to go through the competition,assuming i do get past auditions,because well..i just wont.and it'll be unfair to my grp members(assuming i do form a grp)to withdraw as well if they cant find a replacement.
and now,reasons why i
should join:
firstly,like i said,i wont be here for long,this will be like my last shot at trying to fulfil my fantasy.and i wont regret anything even if i fail.
secondly,i probably wont get past round two,so my exam revision schedule wont be affected,so i'll just take this as another opportunity.
thirdly,this is Singapore's
first dance competition!!
fourthly,im tryin to reconnet with my primary sch frens,who,if i rmb correctly,loved to dance back then.and from what i've found out,they still do.so maybe i'll form a grp after all!
lastly,I L O V E D A N C I N G .and im serious.ever since my dad made me quit the dance lessons,and ever since i quited chinese dance as well,i've missed performing on stage.like,
seriously.i want to dance on stage again.
so well,you can see the "dont join" reasons are basically practical and realistic ones,and the "do join" reasons are mainly emotional and self based ones.
who's gonna win?
honestly,this is stupid.if God wants me to join this competition,He would just clear away the obstacles right?of course,that's not how it works.i should pray and ask for Him to help me.and i know that if i ask,i shall receive.
but is this really what is best for me?meant for me?i dont want God to give me things that i ask for if it's not His will for me.because it'll just put me to suffering and hurt.
i havent reached an answer yet,and the inner jenny is still waiting for one.i guess i'll just focus on my work now and try to let things take they're own course.besides,i've got another competition coming up,and it's an optional self initiated chinese project abt Gold Coast,organised by Bao Mi Hua,you know,the chinese newspaper section.and if i win with my team mate,we get to go for a free 2wks holiday to Gold Coast with our tchr mentor!whoopies.
so anyway,im kindda busybusy nowadays.so it's good,coz then i dont have to think abt certain things.
like my stupid,unrealistic,unpractical(is there such a word?),chilidhs,bubble dreams.
but then again,everything starts from a dream right..
tranquility ; 8/16/2006 11:27:00 am.
13.8.06
this entry is dedicated to a dear friend in america,who is having a rough time and needs the support and encouragement of her friends here.a few days ago,i watched Sweet Home Alabama,a meaningful movie abt a country girl who became someone big in america.it was a lovely movie that spoke to me abt the meaning of home and one's identity.
today,interestingly,i realised my friend in america is finding it hard to soar with her parents' irrational worries and constant binding.and she credited this to them being asians and are conservative and worrisome ppl by nature.
this i dont deny,for we chinese have been brought up as ppl who worry and think too much.that's why we dont dare to take risks.that's why we are so superstitious.
and after knowing what's happening to her,i rmbed sth one of the characters in the movie said:
you cant have both wings and roots.theoratically,this seems completely true.
how can one hope to soar high above and experience new things if her feet are planted firmly to the grounds?
but i beg to differ.
it
is possible to fly and at the same time retain one's culture and love for one's home.
the skies above promise new horizons and beautiful things.it is a place that tempts us young ppl to explore and leave our comfort zone.it is a place where we will find treasures we never knew existed and meet others who bring new knowledge to us.
but the grounds below our feet are what keep us steady and assure us of a landing space whenever we feel tired.it's where we will always find ppl of our kind,who will understand our actions and what we're thinking,no matter how different we become after our flight in the skies.
it's impt that we dont forget our origins,and there is no shame in being chinese,american,indian,malay etc.
we are who we are,as cliche as it may sound.
our culture and home is what makes us,
us.
it's our identity.
it's embarrassing for someone to be embarrassed abt her race or religion.for someone who tries to act like another who is meant to be a completely different person.
it's kindda like a black jaguar pretending to be a leopard and claiming he has spots,even though in the eyes of others,he will always be spotless.
(in case some of you dont know,the leopard and black jaguar belong to the same family and the black jaguar is just a mutated version of the leopard.)
do you see how embarrassing and humiliating it is for the black jaguar?to act like another even though they are meant to be different.
how others will laugh at this black jaguar!
i think im commenting on the asians in western countries who try so hard to fit in that they force themselves to pretend they are not chinese.
im
not talking abt my friend,in case you're wondering.
when we cant stand our parents who appear too chinese in their ways of doing things,it's probably because they are showing love in a way we dont understand.
communication runs both ways,so does love.and so many ppl have said this that i feel i cant emphasise any more on the importance of this.
communication,i mean.
but it's hard,i know,to start communicating if you have led seperate lives for the past 16yrs.perhaps it would help to recall on some fond memories you used to share.
like family gatherings,however insignificant it may seem.or heart to heart talking sessions with your mum abt the guy you had a silly crush on.or even the shopping trips together.
memories are what hold us together,friends and family,in the present.and the present is what will build up our future.
if you are finding it hard to tolerate your family in the present,what's going to happen in the future?and is the past all wasted and forgotten?
i know this entry is probably not very coherent.but i just found the urge to blog abt this.
roots and wings.
i think it's an interesting topic and worth a thought.
i cant say more here,even though i'd like to,because jamie is apparently desperate to use this laptop in 5mins time.
so,to my dear friend in america,im not sure how much this entry has helped you,but just know i completely understand what you're going through.
and one day,you will find enough love in your heart to overcome your problems with your parents now.
and im not saying they are wrong,or you are wrong,all im saying is that there is no definite solution to this,and you can only pray that something will happen that will change the current situation you are in.
i dont understand your parents well enough to comment further,but i do understand you well enough.
and you are a strong girl.mentally i mean >.<
so dont give up no matter what.
strive hard for what you want,and dont let nitty gritty things bother you.
all the best for everything in your life!
smile(:
tranquility ; 8/13/2006 07:56:00 pm.
last night was my first time to a wake.
i've only seen it on the telly before,and i had this impression it's on for buddhists or sth.so i didnt know what to expect when i went to the wake of minnie's grandpa.
anyway,i was so anxious abt this first time to a wake that i went online in the aftnn to ask ppl abt the customs.i was told to wear black,which was pretty obvious coz they say so too on the telly.and then mum gave me money and she was like wondering aloud if we shld put it in red envelope or red packet.then finally telling me to just give the money to whoever's in charge.like,just give,no envelope or what.
yea so like i was worrying abt makin stupid mistakes like sayin the wrong things or accidentally performing an action that is not appropriate,like not saying amen or whatever.quite crappish thinking actually,but it was my first time!and this is a wake!though im still not sure what that means..
and then it’s like before I left home,I was wearing this bright pink hairband,and mum was like,take it off!and put on a black one!
and I was like,ok
sure,shall I change my bag too?coz im going to carry a
bright red one..but I did eventually change to a black hairband and ended up not carrying any bag,coz it was rather near home,and I only needed to bring my wallet and handphone.
i didnt know what to expect from a christian wake,and i was told it starts at 8p.m.and from what i learnt from telly,a wake is basically a time when ppl go and pay respects to the deceased and then stay to talk and stuffs (the telly drama i watched showed some bad ppl playing majong at someone's wake,but im sure that's not going to happen at a christian wake).
yarr.anyway,i figured if that was the case,it wouldn't matter what time i went as long as it's after 8pm,coz i also heard from a source that you just go and leave whenever you like.
umm yea so when jamie and i went there at around 8.45pm,dressed in black tops,we were like
sheet,sheet,SHEET.coz like we saw this group of ppl wearing WHITE.and im like,oh yar,DUH.white for purity or sth right!stupid us.
gosh i got the dresscode wrong!but then afterwards i talked to minnie and she said as long as it's dull colours can liaox,except mine had this whole patch of shiny,glittery...
stuff in the front.so yea.not sure if it’s exactly dull looking.
Anyway.
There was this pastor guy or someone giving some kindda speech abt the deceased,and when we arrived,he was ending off already.so like,it was quite embarrassing.like not sincere liddat.
I didn’t really understand why mum didn’t want to go to the wake,except she’s still upset abt her dad’s death.but when I passed the coffin in which minnie’s grandpa lay,I went ohmygosh..and then I cried.
He looks really peaceful and as though he was just sleeping.like,any minute he would just wake and say hi to me.i couldn’t look at him for longer than a few seconds coz it all looks so unreal.
I think I confused Minnie coz it was like her grandpa’s wake and there I was crying.
ANYWAY.
Jamie and I were kindly invited to stay for beehoon and curry chicken,and Minnie very warmly poured curry chicken and potato onto our plates because apparently she just knew that we wanted to eat.
Thanks Minnie.the curry was good.
So I talked to grace for a while after that,and then I remembered the money mum gave me,and things got a little embarrassing for me coz I didn’t know who to approach and what to do with it.
I mean,I was expecting some kind of reception area and someone would just approach me to sign and give the money or sth.
I didn’t want to just go up to someone and give the money,coz it’ll be quite strange wouldn’t it?and what would I say?
But apparently not,coz i asked Minnie and she just took me to zhixuan and there were ppl giving money
without envelope!
Haha.
GOSH.
I was such a silly willy.
All that fuss and stupidness!
Aiyaaa…
Ohwell.
First times always lead to stupid things.that’s what fun and exciting abt first times!(:
tranquility ; 8/13/2006 07:18:00 pm.
9.8.06
yesterday was nanyang annual cross country run.for the first time,it was held at turf city instead of macritchie.and it's alot better,much to my surprise.i mean,most of the time i could see where the track was leading and estimate how much further i have to go,but at macritchie,you cant see a bloody 50m away.it's all trees,trees,and more trees.it gets on your nerves after a while and you just give up and start walking.
so for the first time since i started schooling at nanyang,i actually ran the entire 2.9km course,and with a pretty good time too i reckon.im not sure the exact timing,but among the fun runners in my class(each class sends 6 ppl to take part in the competitive run,which leaves everyone else to take part in the fun run),i think i did rather well.which is quite an achievement for me,considering i only play serious sports once a week,not including P.E.
so anyway,i abandoned my lovely table partner at the back which really wasnt purposeful.i mean,once i got into the jogging mood,i really didnt want to stop.it was kindda like a self challenge.so i broke the pact of "we walk,dont run".
today is national day,and honestly,i do feel like i'll miss singapore if i ever leave.it's a rather lovely place if you think abt it.but it's waay too stressful.
gosh i missed the NDP.i thought it starts at 7.30pm.or earliest 7pm.but no,it started at 6pm.so i was confused when i switched on the tv at 7.45pm and saw this yr's national day song come on,and i saw the words Finale at the bottom of the tv.
anyway.
tomorrow is joyce's 8th bday party!!and im just SO thrilled.i've practically organised everything single handedly,excpet jamie's been assigned to games.
i've prepared the goody bags,planned out the events of the party,and ordered 24 sets of Mcdonald happy meals for lunch(:
it's brilliant!when me and jamie designed the bday cards for joyce's classmates,we attached this menu where they can tick what combo they want for their happy meal,which is to be returned as a confirmation that they'll be coming.
and they ARE coming in...12 HOURS!!
*beams*
gosh this is so exciting.
im more excited than joyce!
so cool.i havent had a chance to watch little kids play for a long time.maybe i'll see my eight yr old self in one of them.maybe in joyce.she is alot like me when i was still little.crazy imagination,kindda sick and always picturing lovey dovey scenes,acting cute in front of seniors,showing off in front of friends,loud,bossy,eager to learn and explore..
hmm but she's spoilt.
like,seriously.
we're training her to say thank you now.
but anyway.
I LOVE JOYCE(:
early happy birthday darling!
i hope you enjoy your party tmr.
although it's like super
low budget.
tranquility ; 8/09/2006 09:57:00 pm.
6.8.06
yesterday was saturday,the worst one for me possible in my short life of 16yrs.i actually forgot my promise to nicholas to go with him for balai mission trip.he called my hse at 7.45am to tell me everyone's waitin for me at the ferry terminal.and he was the only yfer there.
it's a very complicated situation,honestly.i dont usually forget sth so impt.but truth is,when he asked me if i wanted to go balai,i had
already bought tix to the gym fiesta concert on the same saturday of the balai trip.but believe it or not,i totally forgot abt the concert when he asked me.so i said ok.
so basically i've got 2 programmes lined up within one day,which is impossible in reality,becoz the balai mission trip goes from morning to night,around 7pm.and the concert is at 7.30pm,so i cant possibly rush down to sch in time.
but anyway,point is,i wasnt aware i had 2 plans for one day.i honestly didnt had time and the brain space to think so much.during the first few days of this wk,i could still rmb the balai trip,in fact,i was really lookin forward to it.coz it's nicholas first time,so it'll be quite exciting for him i suppose.
BUT.
i had 2 tests on wed,and i was so stressed on monday that i nearly cried in class becoz i had lost nearly all my notes for both physics and bio test topics.SO.due to all the stress and stupid sch stuffs,i COMPLETELY forgot abt BOTH my plans.i just focused on the tests.
those were the last 2 tests for this term,so i was seriously lookin forward for them to be over.so when they were finally over,i was so relieved!
and i could only rmb the concert.
i dont know what happened!!
i just forgot abt the trip.somehow.i thought it was because i didnt write it down in my planner.it's very risky you know.not writing down ur plans.but it's a lame excuse for forgetting.so i sat down to reflect.
and i can only say..
it just happened.
look,i know at first glance,this sounds like an irresponsible thing to say.but truth is,i honestly feel it's not in my control.it's not as if i could've remembered if i tried.because fact is,when we do God's work,the devil will try means and ways to stop us.and in this case,the devil used the tests against me.
and i was defeated by the devil because my relationship with God was weak at that point of time.i was dead tired every single night,and i hadnt been doin my quiet time.each time i'll say to myself,im tired,i'll do it after the tests.
which i really meant.
but i guess i didnt stick to my promise,because after the tests i had other stuffs to do.so God stepped in to discipline me.
after i forgot the trip ytd,i went to do volunteer cip at east coast park,and it was so obvious there was a higher force working against me.because i missed every single transportation i was rushing for on the way home,and i had to walk for an hr when i was going there due to the fact that i alighted at the wrong stop.
it sounds coincidental to some ppl,like it's a common thing,missing buses and mrt.but i just knew it's God disciplining me..and i really dont mind.compared to what nicholas was going through alone in balai,it was nothing.
i was actually pretty upset that almost everyone who knows abt this thinks it's my fault,which it is,but it's not like i can be blamed.
i can be blamed for neglecting,i admit.but it's not my fault that i forgot.because it's a chain effect caused by my laziness in relation with God.so i was quite annoyed when even jamie says she would be angry with me too if she were nicholas.
but i decided that it's understandable if he's angry.this kind of thing takes time to get over.that sense of betrayer.
however,i feel that the one i disappointed most was God.although i made a promise to nicholas to go for the balai trip,i made an even bigger promise to Him.and to a certain extent,i think He doesnt want me to go to the balai trip.
because like i said,my relationship with Him was weak at that time,imagine a person spiritually weak going for mission work.she wouldn't feel spiritual fulfilment or feel the passion to do God's work.my time in balai would've been wasted anyway.
God was telling me something.and i understand now.
i sought forgiveness,and i believe i am forgiven.
when i told yongliang abt this today,he just said,"Aiya,this kind of thing cant be helped.It's alright."
and i felt like he's the only one who understands.
who needs a reason for forgetting?
why doesnt anyone else understand?
i know i disappointed ppl and broke a promise,but i feel that it's not worse than a broken spiritual promise.and im utterly disappointed in myself too.
i think the point here is not me forgetting to go for the trip,but rather,my relationship with God.i need to reconcile with Him,like haowen said.
(if this post of mine leaves you thinking im irresponsible and not willing to admit my mistake or wadsover,it either means im very bad at expressing my own views effectively,maybe it's my lousy language use.
or.it means you dont get what im saying.due to different opinions or lack of understanding of me as a friend.)
to nicholas,im sorry.
and i sincerely hope u'll find the time and passion soon to go to balai again.
tranquility ; 8/06/2006 07:52:00 pm.
3.8.06
Children of the World We are children of the world - watching every day go by
Changes my life, changes your life - keeps us all anticipating
We are searchers of the truth, every man's a boy deep down
Gotta say it how you mean it - there ain't no easy way
Like a bird in the wind, like a tree in the storm
Like the breath of a child from the moment he's born
To the very last day when the curtains are drawn
We are children of the world - asking every question why
From arrival to survival - just to make it worth the waiting
We are faces in the night - watching every day go by
Changes my life, changes your life - there aint no easy way
In the back of your mind there is always a mark
There's a wandering solo alone in the dark
You can keep it forever or tear it apart
We are children of the world - watching every day go by
Changing my life, changing your life - keeps us all anticipating
We are children of the world - watching every day go by
Like a bird in the wind, like a tree in the storm
Like the breath of a child from the moment he's born
Till the very last day when the curtains are drawn
We are children of the world - watching every day go by
Changes my life, changes your life - keeps us all anticipating
We are children of the world - watching every day go by
Changes my life, changes your life - keeps us all anticipating
i think this is such an innocent and beautiful song.i found it by accident on the web.hmm.sung by Bee Gees.heard of them.must find some of the songs soon.shld be interesting.
tranquility ; 8/03/2006 10:26:00 pm.
1.8.06
i was supposed to be studyin physics.but i ended up surfing google for chalet prices.so exciting can!seven of us in 406 have decided to hold a 3D/2N grad party for ourselves,but we'll need one more person coz every room can hold 4 ppl.if not one place is wasted.
so anyway.
it's all cool k.i found this package for the end of yr holidays,and it's really worth the money.we get free theme park tix each!either escape or wild wild wet.but we're probably goin for both.so will need to buy another tix.but no matter.
i feel so energised by this.like,there's finally sth to look forward to!(: we all need some form of motivation every now and then right!and this is it for me.
today in sch i realised that being good frens dont neccessarily mean being very reculsive or in a way "booked" by one another all the time.i used to feel a twinge of anger or jealousy when my close frens mingle around with others or socialise with "outside ppl".but today i realised being true frens are not abt "owning" the time of one another,but rather enjoying whatever little precious time we have and treasuring the knowledge that we have the support and encouragement of one another!
being good friends dont mean spending every second in schoool together or putting aside all free time for these grp of friends only.it also doesnt mean paying special attention to these friends or doing special things for them.of course,doing such things makes the friendship sweeter,but one's sincerity for the relationship between friends shld not be based on such acts.
i guess this is a very impt lesson to me,because a few wks ago,i met with a misunderstanding with an old friend from primary school which nearly led to the end of our friendship.we're studying in different schools,and the misunderstanding arouse because apparently i showed special concern on my campusmoblog for a close friend in my current class since i was aware of her medical conditions, and said she was the only true fren i have in my life.i guess the second part was abit too much.but i didnt mean it in a way that disregarded my friendships with other ppl.
i think my old friend knows who she is,and i hope she's reading this.i will never forget those whom i treasure and have fun memories of.i wish her all the best for her O levels and may God bless her in every way.
tranquility ; 8/01/2006 10:18:00 pm.
31.8.06
yayy im tirrred of studyin,so i was wondering what i could possibly post abt..then i rmbed i owe you nice ppl some
photos from my 2wks china trip this june hol(:
here they are!enjoy(:
Guoyang:
this is a typical scene at the breakfast table in guoyang,where my maternal relatives live.can see the food clearly?soya milk, prata, youtiao..
ok these are my maternal grandparents..the one in the centre passed away a few wks after we left for singapore..
roof top of grandparents' house(: it used to be a garden,but now it's just an empty space.no safety fences!>.<
trishaw!(:the cutest thing abt china.
my maternal grandpa simply ADORES cats and dogs.this is the bitch that gave birth to that little cutie.hmm looks like diff breeds hor.but they are blood related.
relative of maternal side!oh but the guy at the back is my cousin,the one wearing specs.it was kindda awkward seeing him again aft 4yrs,coz he's all grown up and..better lookin.wonder if i've changed..
younger cousins of maternal side(:
this is taken at the campus of Sci and Tech University in heifei,abt 2 or 3 hrs drive from guoyang.my mum's eldest sister and his husband are professors cum researchers here(:there's this really lovely lake in the campus,and a small area of bamboo shoots!
-------------------------
yepps ok that's all for today.will upload more another time when im free.the server gets really slow after awhile..anyway,i went to..3 more places i think..my dad's village,huangshan and wuxi.
yup,gotta now(:
*NOTE:sorry the positioning of the pics and words are so screwed.i keep tryin but they wouldnt go right!u know,for someone who designs blogs,im not very good at this..
tranquility ; 8/31/2006 02:45:00 pm.
29.8.06
yayy im now an official designer like
coco!haha except i specialise in blog designs(:
yepp i registered for a blogskins acc ytd,after knowing alicia submitted her first skin and she wanted me to comment.yea so in case u dont know,my previous skin(the boy and girl holdin hands one),that was designed by urs truly,and also jamie's previous one(the broken heart and guitar one).
i guess i got into designing blog after getting sick and tired of surfing through blogskins.com for,like,an eternity trying to find the one im lookin for.yea,so rather than be picky,might as well design my own(:
ok yea enough history and self intro.
so,my user is jelly-o,so feel free to go blogskins.com to view my works in future.so far zilch inspiration to design and zero amt of time to find inspiration.but im sure once it comes,i'll have another fantastic skin coming right up!
haha anyway.mugging is going fine.the class has gotten into exams mood too,so im just going with the flow.
yupps going to shower,eat,and
study!!ciaoz...<3
tranquility ; 8/29/2006 06:30:00 pm.
24.8.06
cool.my dad read my blog ytd.or wassit the day before that?
i was fine with it.i mean i did write personal girlish stuffs,but that's ok.open relationship right?first step to good communication.
he gave me some helpful suggestions to improve my blog,and as u can see,i took his advice and modified my blog again.
after my maths remedial today,i feel totally recharged and ready to defeat evil Mr.Maths and the other evil minions *beams*
so anyway,just to let my lovely friends now how my mugging plan has been coming along...it's been great!honestly(:im sticking to it so far,and though i lagged the first 2 days,im catching up now.
..the tricky thing is to sleep before 12am now and not shortchange my sleep..hmm lets see now...how do we do that...
tranquility ; 8/24/2006 10:58:00 pm.
21.8.06
today was supposed to be the first official day of mugging.but i blew my plan.
...
...
...
SHUCKS.
tranquility ; 8/21/2006 09:11:00 pm.
20.8.06
last night i was by the latop until midnight,doing my exams revision schedule.and i must say,doing a revision timetable does get one into the mood of reivision plus it makes a girl feel good.
basically,i have assigned one day each wk for one subject.like,mondays for physics,tuesdays for maths etc.for maths,i have assigned 2 days,coz i just suck at it.and im determined to cut down on msn time,seeing that less than 10% of my time online is spent chatting.the new timing i have allocated has been decided after many mths of observation and noticing that this is the peak hour on msn.so,my new timing for msn will be daily from 9.30-10.30pm.apart from that,i wont be online,or at least not replying.
sounds good?yea i think so too.requires a hell lot of discipline.but dont worry,i can stick to that.and the new timing will take effect from..whenever i feel ready.
from past experience,i'll say grp studying works better for me,because if i do in alone,i either lose the focus within minutes or find no motivation to study.but if i go out to the library or somewhere with frens,there is a clear purpose and everyone knows what we're supposed to do,so in a way,"peer pressure" becomes good(:
anyway,i realise i have been blogging quite often recently.talk abt blogaholic.so with this revision schedule,i'll be free to post less often.but i'll pop in every now and then to keep everyone updated on my progress.
hopefully,this yr will be a case of success whereby i actually stick to my plan.
tranquility ; 8/20/2006 04:29:00 pm.
19.8.06
this is a test someone introduced me to,and it's good for self awareness(: try it:
http://www.queendom.com/tests/career/team_roles_access.html
my results:-
About Team Roles:The role we take on when part of a team has been defined by Dr. Meredith Belbin as "Our tendency to behave, contribute and interrelate with others in a particular way." We all have natural tendencies in workplace activities.
Determining your prefered team role can help you in your career planning and personal development decisions. For employers, this assessment can help in the selection and recruitment process and, most importantly, in the process of matching you with the right people and jobs.
The team role specified for you will reflect the behaviours and attitudes that you tend to adopt within a work team. No matter what role you tend to fill, each role is important and has its own strengths and weaknesses. Most people can and do assume each team role, to some degree. However, the following is the team role that you take on most naturally.
Results of your Team Roles Test:CoordinatorSimilar to:
Belbin's Co-ordinator
Margerison-McCann's Thruster-Organizer
MTR-I's Conductor
Your score = 90
What do your results mean?According to your score you seem to naturally gravitate towards the role of Coordinator in a group. This means that you like to organize tasks, assign them, and keep tabs on the teamwork being accomplished.
Description of the role:Coordinators are the people who keep precise notes, know exactly where the project is at any given point in time and call status meetings when needed. Being analytical organizers, Coordinators clarify goals, remove ambiguity from complex and difficult tasks, and hand out "to-do" lists or deadlines to team members.
Highly structured, mature and confident, Coordinators juggle priorities, keep track of the chronological order of task execution, tasks division and various assignments, and ensure the availability of resources - human, material or informational - when organizing a project. In short, good delegation skills and a keen sense of justice allow these indispensable team members to coordinate all efforts and implement decisions.
Strengths of the Role:The Coordinator is an integral role in any team; without this person work may never be accomplished with any semblance of order. The Coordinator is often the starter of a project. They collect the information, help develop plans, put them in order and hand out task assignments, often without being asked!
Coordinators tend to be efficient, down-to-earth individuals who rarely get sidetracked. They are goal-oriented and focused. The Coordinator is a powerful position because this person holds vital information and is aware of every aspect of the project.
Weaknesses of the Role:Coordinators can be perceived as bossy and overbearing. Occasionally they overstep their boundaries, especially when assigning work to other team members. Some Coordinators might get caught up in a project or task and forget about the personal or human aspect of teamwork and focus only on the goal and the process of reaching it.
tranquility ; 8/19/2006 09:28:00 pm.
18.8.06
as promised,i am here to post an entry on the issue of blogging.and no,it's not abt the moral issues that we've been debating abt.it's a very simple problem that i observed from my sister.
blogs are addictive.
after watching many debates abt the pros and cons of blogs,as well as participating in social debates among my frens with regard to this,i have come to realise that blogs are not merely a form of self expression,but also a social link that connects us with our friends,as many would agree.when we blog abt our daily experiences or read up abt the lives of our frens,we are in fact doing sharing,like what we do in yf.we understand each other more and know what they're going through in their life.
however,i have to comment on how this aim can be achieved when blogs have become sites for rantings and narration of what happened in the day.
blogs started out as an "online diary" and the meaning of a diary is a book where u pen down ur inner thoughts and reflections.but now,many bloggers are blogging abt seemingly meaningless things everyday,merely babbling abt their day in school,what happened on the bus,what they did in school etc etc.
i understand the fact that because it's an online publicised site,ppl naturally dont reveal all their private thoughts,and i am not here to criticise the contents of blogs nowadays.
my point is that since blogs nowadays are not revealing thoughts and reflections of their owners,how then do we seek a deeper understanding of each other's life?how can we truly understand our friends better when all they blog abt is what happened in class and how they hate the bloody maths portfolio?and if that's the case,what then is the meaning of blog surfing?
(again,i emphasise i am NOT criticising blog contents.)
read back to para3 of this entry,and u see that my point on blogs is that they are meant for us to understand each other better,unless of course,your intention is otherwise,which will mean you are plainly blog surfing to kill time and for self amusement.
so,back to my main focus.my sister jamie spends a lot of time reading her friends' blog entries and goin around tagging.this is nothing bad.it just shows how many friends she has.but i question the quality of her time spent.
(sry,jamie,i am not criticising you either.i just need a real life example to illustrate my point>.<)
out of that one hr she spends going around reading blogs and tagging,how much has she actually gained in terms of social understanding and self discovery and learning?at the end of the blog surfing session,has she gained any new knowledge of her friends?has she read something she could learn from?
if at the end of the day,she goes "ohhh...i didnt know XXX actually thinks so profoundly abt life..she never spoke much in class!and that's an interesting point she raised.." or "hey maybe there's more than meets the eye abt YYY..maybe she's a nice person afterall!hmm,maybe im too opinionated", then i will say her time on blogs is well spent.
if the entries she read allows her to think and reflect abt that person or herself,i have nth more to say except encourage her.however from what i see,not only from her but also my classmates,blogs have become a mean to find new topics for gossips and reading abt how others bitch abt those they hate/dislike.
in some cases,the narration of one's day can be done in an extremely hilarious way and jamie finds some relaxation and fun in reading blogs.to this i have no negative comments.because a while of relaxation is good for everyone.BUT,not when it becomes a daily ritual and the focus is lost.
i know not everyone can find interesting things to blog abt or do reflections on every single thing.maybe that's a reason not to blog every day.it's not a bad thing to blog every day,but im curious how someone can have something to say everyday if it's just narration and random babbling and rantings.dont they get tired and their readers bored?
for me,i appear to blog everyday,but i do so only when i feel inspired enough to discuss a certain topic or issue.in this case,i dont feel like im wasting my own time,because im forming my own thoughts and opinions.
i happen to be someone who doesnt think from all perspectives all the time,so it's perfectly normal if you disagree or strongly disagree with my points.so,feel free to tag ur opinions or discuss the issues with me further in details.
-------------------
to jamie,i hope you have learnt something from this.and this is my honest opinion abt ur time spent on blogs.im happy that you have nice seniors and friends,but it's getting ridiculous,seriously.
tranquility ; 8/18/2006 02:24:00 pm.
17.8.06
thanks to haowen,i was reminded last night of the power of a prayer.
i sat down to pray sincerely to the Lord about what to do with the dance competition.my frens had agreed to join me,and this is a huge obstacle cleared.yet i knew things were not so easy.so i asked the Lord.and He answered me.
i didnt hear Him speak to me like a godly voice from above or anything like that.in fact,i didnt even consider parental objection or other problems if i were to join.
all that came to mind was my two p.sch frens who agreed to join me.and that was enough for me to make my decision.they are both not in the IP,so they will have to take Os.i cannot be selfish because of my own dream,and i nearly was.
because i was so desperate to fulfil a childhood dream,i nearly dragged my two gd frens down with me.they could've done badly in Os because of this.and im glad He reminded me of what is impt to me in my life.
my friends.
it was because of this simple reason that i passed down the msg this morning to let my frens know i appreciate their support,but this time this yr is not suitable for us to take part in big competitions.so hopefully will have another chance.
besides,i figured if we all have a passion for dancing,this one competition wouldnt matter.we dance for ourselves,not for public entertainment or recognition.we'd find many more chances to perform and live our dreams(:
although,come to think abt it,i am shortchanging my friends in a way.because i never exactly discussed this with them.i mean,they have agreed to join me,so in a way we're a grp le.which means whatever decision has to be made as a grp right?
right.
and i made a decision without consulting them.i just msged them to let them know we shld concentrate on our eoys.which is really my own opinion and judgement.because for all i know,they may really want to do this competition.
hmm..i will have to talk to them soon.
here,i'll just give a little history of me and these two frens.both of them were one of those who supported me alot when i first started writing in p5.they were one of those who would "fight" to read my latest chapter every morning i reach school.it was because of ppl like them that i grew in my passion for writing.
and one of them,yongern,i once danced with in a danceworks competition.she was bubbly and fun,and from what i know,she still is.the other,tracy,had a feud with me when i first joined her class.we had a period of "cold battle" and picked on each other all the time.she was a bad kid wannabe,but eventually we ended up as gd frens,till now.and she's a much better girl now.someone i'll be proud to call my fren.
so,i will never forfeit their future because of my dreams.because they are an impt part of my memory and childhood.they still are.among many others i treasure.like gillian,melissa and shani.
thanks girls.
IJ all the way(:
---------------------------
here's sth i cut out from my grp blog with the fivers.it's sweet and really inspiring!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you have to think before you speak to me!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..my presence ever makes you feel uncomfortable!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you have to thank me for everything I do for you!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you have to say sorry for everything that you don’t do!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you have to ask me for favours!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you think i would not be curious to know your new philosophy of life!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you go by what I say and do not understand what I don’t say!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you think that listening to your dreams would put me to sleep!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you think that seeing you in pain, would not bring a tear to me!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you think I do not remember the first time we met!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you don’t see the thousand ways I try to make you happy!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you don’t realize how your smile brightens up my day!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you would rather keep quiet when you really wanna talk!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you hesitate to ask me to stay back when you think we should be together!
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF…..you take too much time to tell me what i mean to you!
and we ARE friends(:
tranquility ; 8/17/2006 09:17:00 pm.
16.8.06
"dreams"must be my all time favourite topic,coz it's so debatable and a gd icebreaker in all occassions.anyway,im sure to talk abt sth that has been bothering me recently.
everyone says we must be brave and pursue our dreams,but how will we know if the dream is unrealistic for ourselves (e.g william hung trying to be world idol or sth),or even if that dream is in accordance to what He wants for us?
before u say,pray and seek the answer,i have tried.and each time i prayer for Him to speak to me abt His will for me,doors of opportunities just keep opening up in front of me.and i have NO idea if they are satan's ways of deceiving me abt God's words and misleading me,or are they like some sort of test for me.OR they are truly meant for me to enter.
to be more specific,i talking abt a certain dance competition called The Dance Floor,open for registration now and auditions are next mth.it's a grp dance competition,and u must enter as a grp of 2 to 6.
when i first saw this on the telly,i was
thrilled,i tell you.i have been
fantasising abt such a chance.it's crazy and weird.because ever since i started learning jazzfunk last yr(no,maybe even earlier than that),i've started fantasising takin part in dance competitions with my gd frens as a bloody brilliant girls grp.
it's a fantasy,really.until this competition came out.and it's like i just
knew sth like that would happen.i mean,i admit i joined a few singing competitions and ended up nowhere,but believe me,dancing is more me than singing!it's like when we had dance P.E module this yr,i just loved it SO much.and i think if i were to join this competition,my dance P.E tchr would support me.
but problem is,im not sure if i have the courage,the
will,to join this competition.i've been subjected to so many failures in my attempts to pursue my "dreams" that im starting to think my dreams are really doomed to be just...dreams.
firstly,i dont exactly have a dance grp like in my fantasies.my gd frens are nice and lovely ppl,but they dont exactly adore dancing.
secondly,my exams are coming up,and although the auditions are way before the exams,i feel like i shld spend time doin more constructive things.
thirdly,even if i once learnt hiphop in a class with high potential,it doesnt mean im goin to get very far in the competition,like maybe not even past auditions,or second round.so why waste time right?
fourthly,dad and mum will never agree.and i need parental consent to register.
lastly,and this is kindda of family reason as well,so i cant broadcast it here,but point is,i wont be staying long enough to go through the competition,assuming i do get past auditions,because well..i just wont.and it'll be unfair to my grp members(assuming i do form a grp)to withdraw as well if they cant find a replacement.
and now,reasons why i
should join:
firstly,like i said,i wont be here for long,this will be like my last shot at trying to fulfil my fantasy.and i wont regret anything even if i fail.
secondly,i probably wont get past round two,so my exam revision schedule wont be affected,so i'll just take this as another opportunity.
thirdly,this is Singapore's
first dance competition!!
fourthly,im tryin to reconnet with my primary sch frens,who,if i rmb correctly,loved to dance back then.and from what i've found out,they still do.so maybe i'll form a grp after all!
lastly,I L O V E D A N C I N G .and im serious.ever since my dad made me quit the dance lessons,and ever since i quited chinese dance as well,i've missed performing on stage.like,
seriously.i want to dance on stage again.
so well,you can see the "dont join" reasons are basically practical and realistic ones,and the "do join" reasons are mainly emotional and self based ones.
who's gonna win?
honestly,this is stupid.if God wants me to join this competition,He would just clear away the obstacles right?of course,that's not how it works.i should pray and ask for Him to help me.and i know that if i ask,i shall receive.
but is this really what is best for me?meant for me?i dont want God to give me things that i ask for if it's not His will for me.because it'll just put me to suffering and hurt.
i havent reached an answer yet,and the inner jenny is still waiting for one.i guess i'll just focus on my work now and try to let things take they're own course.besides,i've got another competition coming up,and it's an optional self initiated chinese project abt Gold Coast,organised by Bao Mi Hua,you know,the chinese newspaper section.and if i win with my team mate,we get to go for a free 2wks holiday to Gold Coast with our tchr mentor!whoopies.
so anyway,im kindda busybusy nowadays.so it's good,coz then i dont have to think abt certain things.
like my stupid,unrealistic,unpractical(is there such a word?),chilidhs,bubble dreams.
but then again,everything starts from a dream right..
tranquility ; 8/16/2006 11:27:00 am.
13.8.06
this entry is dedicated to a dear friend in america,who is having a rough time and needs the support and encouragement of her friends here.a few days ago,i watched Sweet Home Alabama,a meaningful movie abt a country girl who became someone big in america.it was a lovely movie that spoke to me abt the meaning of home and one's identity.
today,interestingly,i realised my friend in america is finding it hard to soar with her parents' irrational worries and constant binding.and she credited this to them being asians and are conservative and worrisome ppl by nature.
this i dont deny,for we chinese have been brought up as ppl who worry and think too much.that's why we dont dare to take risks.that's why we are so superstitious.
and after knowing what's happening to her,i rmbed sth one of the characters in the movie said:
you cant have both wings and roots.theoratically,this seems completely true.
how can one hope to soar high above and experience new things if her feet are planted firmly to the grounds?
but i beg to differ.
it
is possible to fly and at the same time retain one's culture and love for one's home.
the skies above promise new horizons and beautiful things.it is a place that tempts us young ppl to explore and leave our comfort zone.it is a place where we will find treasures we never knew existed and meet others who bring new knowledge to us.
but the grounds below our feet are what keep us steady and assure us of a landing space whenever we feel tired.it's where we will always find ppl of our kind,who will understand our actions and what we're thinking,no matter how different we become after our flight in the skies.
it's impt that we dont forget our origins,and there is no shame in being chinese,american,indian,malay etc.
we are who we are,as cliche as it may sound.
our culture and home is what makes us,
us.
it's our identity.
it's embarrassing for someone to be embarrassed abt her race or religion.for someone who tries to act like another who is meant to be a completely different person.
it's kindda like a black jaguar pretending to be a leopard and claiming he has spots,even though in the eyes of others,he will always be spotless.
(in case some of you dont know,the leopard and black jaguar belong to the same family and the black jaguar is just a mutated version of the leopard.)
do you see how embarrassing and humiliating it is for the black jaguar?to act like another even though they are meant to be different.
how others will laugh at this black jaguar!
i think im commenting on the asians in western countries who try so hard to fit in that they force themselves to pretend they are not chinese.
im
not talking abt my friend,in case you're wondering.
when we cant stand our parents who appear too chinese in their ways of doing things,it's probably because they are showing love in a way we dont understand.
communication runs both ways,so does love.and so many ppl have said this that i feel i cant emphasise any more on the importance of this.
communication,i mean.
but it's hard,i know,to start communicating if you have led seperate lives for the past 16yrs.perhaps it would help to recall on some fond memories you used to share.
like family gatherings,however insignificant it may seem.or heart to heart talking sessions with your mum abt the guy you had a silly crush on.or even the shopping trips together.
memories are what hold us together,friends and family,in the present.and the present is what will build up our future.
if you are finding it hard to tolerate your family in the present,what's going to happen in the future?and is the past all wasted and forgotten?
i know this entry is probably not very coherent.but i just found the urge to blog abt this.
roots and wings.
i think it's an interesting topic and worth a thought.
i cant say more here,even though i'd like to,because jamie is apparently desperate to use this laptop in 5mins time.
so,to my dear friend in america,im not sure how much this entry has helped you,but just know i completely understand what you're going through.
and one day,you will find enough love in your heart to overcome your problems with your parents now.
and im not saying they are wrong,or you are wrong,all im saying is that there is no definite solution to this,and you can only pray that something will happen that will change the current situation you are in.
i dont understand your parents well enough to comment further,but i do understand you well enough.
and you are a strong girl.mentally i mean >.<
so dont give up no matter what.
strive hard for what you want,and dont let nitty gritty things bother you.
all the best for everything in your life!
smile(:
tranquility ; 8/13/2006 07:56:00 pm.
last night was my first time to a wake.
i've only seen it on the telly before,and i had this impression it's on for buddhists or sth.so i didnt know what to expect when i went to the wake of minnie's grandpa.
anyway,i was so anxious abt this first time to a wake that i went online in the aftnn to ask ppl abt the customs.i was told to wear black,which was pretty obvious coz they say so too on the telly.and then mum gave me money and she was like wondering aloud if we shld put it in red envelope or red packet.then finally telling me to just give the money to whoever's in charge.like,just give,no envelope or what.
yea so like i was worrying abt makin stupid mistakes like sayin the wrong things or accidentally performing an action that is not appropriate,like not saying amen or whatever.quite crappish thinking actually,but it was my first time!and this is a wake!though im still not sure what that means..
and then it’s like before I left home,I was wearing this bright pink hairband,and mum was like,take it off!and put on a black one!
and I was like,ok
sure,shall I change my bag too?coz im going to carry a
bright red one..but I did eventually change to a black hairband and ended up not carrying any bag,coz it was rather near home,and I only needed to bring my wallet and handphone.
i didnt know what to expect from a christian wake,and i was told it starts at 8p.m.and from what i learnt from telly,a wake is basically a time when ppl go and pay respects to the deceased and then stay to talk and stuffs (the telly drama i watched showed some bad ppl playing majong at someone's wake,but im sure that's not going to happen at a christian wake).
yarr.anyway,i figured if that was the case,it wouldn't matter what time i went as long as it's after 8pm,coz i also heard from a source that you just go and leave whenever you like.
umm yea so when jamie and i went there at around 8.45pm,dressed in black tops,we were like
sheet,sheet,SHEET.coz like we saw this group of ppl wearing WHITE.and im like,oh yar,DUH.white for purity or sth right!stupid us.
gosh i got the dresscode wrong!but then afterwards i talked to minnie and she said as long as it's dull colours can liaox,except mine had this whole patch of shiny,glittery...
stuff in the front.so yea.not sure if it’s exactly dull looking.
Anyway.
There was this pastor guy or someone giving some kindda speech abt the deceased,and when we arrived,he was ending off already.so like,it was quite embarrassing.like not sincere liddat.
I didn’t really understand why mum didn’t want to go to the wake,except she’s still upset abt her dad’s death.but when I passed the coffin in which minnie’s grandpa lay,I went ohmygosh..and then I cried.
He looks really peaceful and as though he was just sleeping.like,any minute he would just wake and say hi to me.i couldn’t look at him for longer than a few seconds coz it all looks so unreal.
I think I confused Minnie coz it was like her grandpa’s wake and there I was crying.
ANYWAY.
Jamie and I were kindly invited to stay for beehoon and curry chicken,and Minnie very warmly poured curry chicken and potato onto our plates because apparently she just knew that we wanted to eat.
Thanks Minnie.the curry was good.
So I talked to grace for a while after that,and then I remembered the money mum gave me,and things got a little embarrassing for me coz I didn’t know who to approach and what to do with it.
I mean,I was expecting some kind of reception area and someone would just approach me to sign and give the money or sth.
I didn’t want to just go up to someone and give the money,coz it’ll be quite strange wouldn’t it?and what would I say?
But apparently not,coz i asked Minnie and she just took me to zhixuan and there were ppl giving money
without envelope!
Haha.
GOSH.
I was such a silly willy.
All that fuss and stupidness!
Aiyaaa…
Ohwell.
First times always lead to stupid things.that’s what fun and exciting abt first times!(:
tranquility ; 8/13/2006 07:18:00 pm.
9.8.06
yesterday was nanyang annual cross country run.for the first time,it was held at turf city instead of macritchie.and it's alot better,much to my surprise.i mean,most of the time i could see where the track was leading and estimate how much further i have to go,but at macritchie,you cant see a bloody 50m away.it's all trees,trees,and more trees.it gets on your nerves after a while and you just give up and start walking.
so for the first time since i started schooling at nanyang,i actually ran the entire 2.9km course,and with a pretty good time too i reckon.im not sure the exact timing,but among the fun runners in my class(each class sends 6 ppl to take part in the competitive run,which leaves everyone else to take part in the fun run),i think i did rather well.which is quite an achievement for me,considering i only play serious sports once a week,not including P.E.
so anyway,i abandoned my lovely table partner at the back which really wasnt purposeful.i mean,once i got into the jogging mood,i really didnt want to stop.it was kindda like a self challenge.so i broke the pact of "we walk,dont run".
today is national day,and honestly,i do feel like i'll miss singapore if i ever leave.it's a rather lovely place if you think abt it.but it's waay too stressful.
gosh i missed the NDP.i thought it starts at 7.30pm.or earliest 7pm.but no,it started at 6pm.so i was confused when i switched on the tv at 7.45pm and saw this yr's national day song come on,and i saw the words Finale at the bottom of the tv.
anyway.
tomorrow is joyce's 8th bday party!!and im just SO thrilled.i've practically organised everything single handedly,excpet jamie's been assigned to games.
i've prepared the goody bags,planned out the events of the party,and ordered 24 sets of Mcdonald happy meals for lunch(:
it's brilliant!when me and jamie designed the bday cards for joyce's classmates,we attached this menu where they can tick what combo they want for their happy meal,which is to be returned as a confirmation that they'll be coming.
and they ARE coming in...12 HOURS!!
*beams*
gosh this is so exciting.
im more excited than joyce!
so cool.i havent had a chance to watch little kids play for a long time.maybe i'll see my eight yr old self in one of them.maybe in joyce.she is alot like me when i was still little.crazy imagination,kindda sick and always picturing lovey dovey scenes,acting cute in front of seniors,showing off in front of friends,loud,bossy,eager to learn and explore..
hmm but she's spoilt.
like,seriously.
we're training her to say thank you now.
but anyway.
I LOVE JOYCE(:
early happy birthday darling!
i hope you enjoy your party tmr.
although it's like super
low budget.
tranquility ; 8/09/2006 09:57:00 pm.
6.8.06
yesterday was saturday,the worst one for me possible in my short life of 16yrs.i actually forgot my promise to nicholas to go with him for balai mission trip.he called my hse at 7.45am to tell me everyone's waitin for me at the ferry terminal.and he was the only yfer there.
it's a very complicated situation,honestly.i dont usually forget sth so impt.but truth is,when he asked me if i wanted to go balai,i had
already bought tix to the gym fiesta concert on the same saturday of the balai trip.but believe it or not,i totally forgot abt the concert when he asked me.so i said ok.
so basically i've got 2 programmes lined up within one day,which is impossible in reality,becoz the balai mission trip goes from morning to night,around 7pm.and the concert is at 7.30pm,so i cant possibly rush down to sch in time.
but anyway,point is,i wasnt aware i had 2 plans for one day.i honestly didnt had time and the brain space to think so much.during the first few days of this wk,i could still rmb the balai trip,in fact,i was really lookin forward to it.coz it's nicholas first time,so it'll be quite exciting for him i suppose.
BUT.
i had 2 tests on wed,and i was so stressed on monday that i nearly cried in class becoz i had lost nearly all my notes for both physics and bio test topics.SO.due to all the stress and stupid sch stuffs,i COMPLETELY forgot abt BOTH my plans.i just focused on the tests.
those were the last 2 tests for this term,so i was seriously lookin forward for them to be over.so when they were finally over,i was so relieved!
and i could only rmb the concert.
i dont know what happened!!
i just forgot abt the trip.somehow.i thought it was because i didnt write it down in my planner.it's very risky you know.not writing down ur plans.but it's a lame excuse for forgetting.so i sat down to reflect.
and i can only say..
it just happened.
look,i know at first glance,this sounds like an irresponsible thing to say.but truth is,i honestly feel it's not in my control.it's not as if i could've remembered if i tried.because fact is,when we do God's work,the devil will try means and ways to stop us.and in this case,the devil used the tests against me.
and i was defeated by the devil because my relationship with God was weak at that point of time.i was dead tired every single night,and i hadnt been doin my quiet time.each time i'll say to myself,im tired,i'll do it after the tests.
which i really meant.
but i guess i didnt stick to my promise,because after the tests i had other stuffs to do.so God stepped in to discipline me.
after i forgot the trip ytd,i went to do volunteer cip at east coast park,and it was so obvious there was a higher force working against me.because i missed every single transportation i was rushing for on the way home,and i had to walk for an hr when i was going there due to the fact that i alighted at the wrong stop.
it sounds coincidental to some ppl,like it's a common thing,missing buses and mrt.but i just knew it's God disciplining me..and i really dont mind.compared to what nicholas was going through alone in balai,it was nothing.
i was actually pretty upset that almost everyone who knows abt this thinks it's my fault,which it is,but it's not like i can be blamed.
i can be blamed for neglecting,i admit.but it's not my fault that i forgot.because it's a chain effect caused by my laziness in relation with God.so i was quite annoyed when even jamie says she would be angry with me too if she were nicholas.
but i decided that it's understandable if he's angry.this kind of thing takes time to get over.that sense of betrayer.
however,i feel that the one i disappointed most was God.although i made a promise to nicholas to go for the balai trip,i made an even bigger promise to Him.and to a certain extent,i think He doesnt want me to go to the balai trip.
because like i said,my relationship with Him was weak at that time,imagine a person spiritually weak going for mission work.she wouldn't feel spiritual fulfilment or feel the passion to do God's work.my time in balai would've been wasted anyway.
God was telling me something.and i understand now.
i sought forgiveness,and i believe i am forgiven.
when i told yongliang abt this today,he just said,"Aiya,this kind of thing cant be helped.It's alright."
and i felt like he's the only one who understands.
who needs a reason for forgetting?
why doesnt anyone else understand?
i know i disappointed ppl and broke a promise,but i feel that it's not worse than a broken spiritual promise.and im utterly disappointed in myself too.
i think the point here is not me forgetting to go for the trip,but rather,my relationship with God.i need to reconcile with Him,like haowen said.
(if this post of mine leaves you thinking im irresponsible and not willing to admit my mistake or wadsover,it either means im very bad at expressing my own views effectively,maybe it's my lousy language use.
or.it means you dont get what im saying.due to different opinions or lack of understanding of me as a friend.)
to nicholas,im sorry.
and i sincerely hope u'll find the time and passion soon to go to balai again.
tranquility ; 8/06/2006 07:52:00 pm.
3.8.06
Children of the World We are children of the world - watching every day go by
Changes my life, changes your life - keeps us all anticipating
We are searchers of the truth, every man's a boy deep down
Gotta say it how you mean it - there ain't no easy way
Like a bird in the wind, like a tree in the storm
Like the breath of a child from the moment he's born
To the very last day when the curtains are drawn
We are children of the world - asking every question why
From arrival to survival - just to make it worth the waiting
We are faces in the night - watching every day go by
Changes my life, changes your life - there aint no easy way
In the back of your mind there is always a mark
There's a wandering solo alone in the dark
You can keep it forever or tear it apart
We are children of the world - watching every day go by
Changing my life, changing your life - keeps us all anticipating
We are children of the world - watching every day go by
Like a bird in the wind, like a tree in the storm
Like the breath of a child from the moment he's born
Till the very last day when the curtains are drawn
We are children of the world - watching every day go by
Changes my life, changes your life - keeps us all anticipating
We are children of the world - watching every day go by
Changes my life, changes your life - keeps us all anticipating
i think this is such an innocent and beautiful song.i found it by accident on the web.hmm.sung by Bee Gees.heard of them.must find some of the songs soon.shld be interesting.
tranquility ; 8/03/2006 10:26:00 pm.
1.8.06
i was supposed to be studyin physics.but i ended up surfing google for chalet prices.so exciting can!seven of us in 406 have decided to hold a 3D/2N grad party for ourselves,but we'll need one more person coz every room can hold 4 ppl.if not one place is wasted.
so anyway.
it's all cool k.i found this package for the end of yr holidays,and it's really worth the money.we get free theme park tix each!either escape or wild wild wet.but we're probably goin for both.so will need to buy another tix.but no matter.
i feel so energised by this.like,there's finally sth to look forward to!(: we all need some form of motivation every now and then right!and this is it for me.
today in sch i realised that being good frens dont neccessarily mean being very reculsive or in a way "booked" by one another all the time.i used to feel a twinge of anger or jealousy when my close frens mingle around with others or socialise with "outside ppl".but today i realised being true frens are not abt "owning" the time of one another,but rather enjoying whatever little precious time we have and treasuring the knowledge that we have the support and encouragement of one another!
being good friends dont mean spending every second in schoool together or putting aside all free time for these grp of friends only.it also doesnt mean paying special attention to these friends or doing special things for them.of course,doing such things makes the friendship sweeter,but one's sincerity for the relationship between friends shld not be based on such acts.
i guess this is a very impt lesson to me,because a few wks ago,i met with a misunderstanding with an old friend from primary school which nearly led to the end of our friendship.we're studying in different schools,and the misunderstanding arouse because apparently i showed special concern on my campusmoblog for a close friend in my current class since i was aware of her medical conditions, and said she was the only true fren i have in my life.i guess the second part was abit too much.but i didnt mean it in a way that disregarded my friendships with other ppl.
i think my old friend knows who she is,and i hope she's reading this.i will never forget those whom i treasure and have fun memories of.i wish her all the best for her O levels and may God bless her in every way.
tranquility ; 8/01/2006 10:18:00 pm.
