16.8.06
"dreams"must be my all time favourite topic,coz it's so debatable and a gd icebreaker in all occassions.anyway,im sure to talk abt sth that has been bothering me recently.
everyone says we must be brave and pursue our dreams,but how will we know if the dream is unrealistic for ourselves (e.g william hung trying to be world idol or sth),or even if that dream is in accordance to what He wants for us?
before u say,pray and seek the answer,i have tried.and each time i prayer for Him to speak to me abt His will for me,doors of opportunities just keep opening up in front of me.and i have NO idea if they are satan's ways of deceiving me abt God's words and misleading me,or are they like some sort of test for me.OR they are truly meant for me to enter.
to be more specific,i talking abt a certain dance competition called The Dance Floor,open for registration now and auditions are next mth.it's a grp dance competition,and u must enter as a grp of 2 to 6.
when i first saw this on the telly,i was
thrilled,i tell you.i have been
fantasising abt such a chance.it's crazy and weird.because ever since i started learning jazzfunk last yr(no,maybe even earlier than that),i've started fantasising takin part in dance competitions with my gd frens as a bloody brilliant girls grp.
it's a fantasy,really.until this competition came out.and it's like i just
knew sth like that would happen.i mean,i admit i joined a few singing competitions and ended up nowhere,but believe me,dancing is more me than singing!it's like when we had dance P.E module this yr,i just loved it SO much.and i think if i were to join this competition,my dance P.E tchr would support me.
but problem is,im not sure if i have the courage,the
will,to join this competition.i've been subjected to so many failures in my attempts to pursue my "dreams" that im starting to think my dreams are really doomed to be just...dreams.
firstly,i dont exactly have a dance grp like in my fantasies.my gd frens are nice and lovely ppl,but they dont exactly adore dancing.
secondly,my exams are coming up,and although the auditions are way before the exams,i feel like i shld spend time doin more constructive things.
thirdly,even if i once learnt hiphop in a class with high potential,it doesnt mean im goin to get very far in the competition,like maybe not even past auditions,or second round.so why waste time right?
fourthly,dad and mum will never agree.and i need parental consent to register.
lastly,and this is kindda of family reason as well,so i cant broadcast it here,but point is,i wont be staying long enough to go through the competition,assuming i do get past auditions,because well..i just wont.and it'll be unfair to my grp members(assuming i do form a grp)to withdraw as well if they cant find a replacement.
and now,reasons why i
should join:
firstly,like i said,i wont be here for long,this will be like my last shot at trying to fulfil my fantasy.and i wont regret anything even if i fail.
secondly,i probably wont get past round two,so my exam revision schedule wont be affected,so i'll just take this as another opportunity.
thirdly,this is Singapore's
first dance competition!!
fourthly,im tryin to reconnet with my primary sch frens,who,if i rmb correctly,loved to dance back then.and from what i've found out,they still do.so maybe i'll form a grp after all!
lastly,I L O V E D A N C I N G .and im serious.ever since my dad made me quit the dance lessons,and ever since i quited chinese dance as well,i've missed performing on stage.like,
seriously.i want to dance on stage again.
so well,you can see the "dont join" reasons are basically practical and realistic ones,and the "do join" reasons are mainly emotional and self based ones.
who's gonna win?
honestly,this is stupid.if God wants me to join this competition,He would just clear away the obstacles right?of course,that's not how it works.i should pray and ask for Him to help me.and i know that if i ask,i shall receive.
but is this really what is best for me?meant for me?i dont want God to give me things that i ask for if it's not His will for me.because it'll just put me to suffering and hurt.
i havent reached an answer yet,and the inner jenny is still waiting for one.i guess i'll just focus on my work now and try to let things take they're own course.besides,i've got another competition coming up,and it's an optional self initiated chinese project abt Gold Coast,organised by Bao Mi Hua,you know,the chinese newspaper section.and if i win with my team mate,we get to go for a free 2wks holiday to Gold Coast with our tchr mentor!whoopies.
so anyway,im kindda busybusy nowadays.so it's good,coz then i dont have to think abt certain things.
like my stupid,unrealistic,unpractical(is there such a word?),chilidhs,bubble dreams.
but then again,everything starts from a dream right..
tranquility ; 8/16/2006 11:27:00 am.
