6.9.06
today was the first official day of sep hols.
i say official becoz monday and tuesday were wasted doing school n mischellaneous stuffs.like,monday was my bsp exam paper,which went ok,except i didnt have enough time to finish source based qns.and tuesday was...oh yes,i went to sinyee's hse in the aftnn to discuss our gold coast project.
reckon we'll finish it on time,but might not actually win it.hell.
191 teams!!we're just like one pitiful grp of 2 out of a 191 teams!so yea..and after the bsp exam,me and sinyee were abit out of drive for the project,but i told her we must at least submit something by the deadline.i wont have outsiders sayin we're all talks and no work.
i embarked on this personal optional project to prove to that sceptical tchr of mine that i AM of some good.i know i didnt need to,like,God loves me the way i am blah blah.but in reality,i had to do something to prove to myself that i am capable to achieving stuffs too.
how many times have i given up halfway?first my ballet,then third lang,chinese dance,o level music..it's like i just think im so brilliant but in actual fact,i hadnt done anything to prove this.
and piano.yes piano.stupid sheety piano.i love it man.i love the touch of the keys and the feeling of YESS when i play some cheemo mozart piece from the wadeva century.i just picture myself playin in front of a large audience.
large audience.yes,of course.i love performing.i've always loved being the centre of attention,probably sth to do with being the oldest.but i've loved being on stage and hearing the applause,even if im not in the limelight.maybe that's why i joined chinese dance.i enjoyed it while it lasted,then realised it wasnt my cup of tea.
so i joined hiphop.and i loved it too.but dad made me stop.even though i seriously think i had potential and my tchr obviously thought so too.sheet.
im like some sad little girl in meg cabot's books.you know,like shopaholic.always thinkin im ruddy capable and stuff,but actually i cant achieve half of what really capable ppl can achieve.
im just an airhead with an attitude,like melanie in annie dalton's book.always excited abt this and that,makin frens,helping ppl,hopping around doing interesting things that i claim to be my passion...
gosh.if i hadnt realised all these now,i may be one of those ppl who wake up in bed at the age of seventy and discover i have led an empty life.goodness.
but thank God,and i mean THANK GOD.i met Jesus before things went too wrong.and He sent all these amazing ppl into my life to let me know what is means to truly live a life worthy of Him.
like,that horrible tchr who looks down on me?or so i think.well,she said the other day that im a curious girl by nature,and i take interest in many things,so i get distracted easily.if i wanted to do well in my studies and cut down on careless mistakes,i have to use my heart.
use my heart.
it made alot of sense,not just in my studies,but in my life as well.i felt like God was speakin to me.i have to use my heart!i have to use my heart to feel Him,to understand His words.and i have to use my heart in whatever im doing,so that i dont end up jack of all trades,master of none.
i must use my heart so i will stop being another wandering soul on this earth,tryin to find my identity and figure out my purpose in life!
so like yea,i went one big round and i'll just go back to point one now.
i joined the gold coast competition to prove sth,but there really isnt a need.lookin back now,i realise i have accomplised things that pleased the Lord.and isnt that more impt than pleasing the ppl in my life?
i might not have attained achievements in certs and trophies,but i know,as long as i use my heart to live my life,i have many crowns prepared for me in heaven.
every morning i walk past the salvation army,and there's a sentence there that is always very meaningful to me:
Hand to Man,Heart to God.
agape,my friends.
tranquility ; 9/06/2006 10:32:00 pm.
