28.12.06
when you're in a foreign land with no friends and no memories, you tend to question the purpose of being there and how you will go about starting life afresh.
these questions can sometimes drive you nuts, especially when it's during the holidays there and you have all the time in the world to think about such things.
to keep my precious sanity (dad has this weird theory that all good fantasy writers and poets have loose screws coz they drive themselves crazy trying to come up with new and exciting plots. i suppose his theory is not entirely wrong, i mean i can name a couple of poets who are either gays, criminals or live in an asylum..except i cant really rmb any one right now. but no matter. fact remains that dad's theory made me worry about my sanity. i mean, i love fantasising and writing, but hell, i want to be SANE~!!), i have come up with a fantastic list of things i could do and think about that will keep my focused on my ultimate goal. or rather, God's goal.
of course, i have no idea what's God's purpose for me, but after a serious interrogation with myself and good observation of my parents, i more or less know what's expected of me by the ppl in my life.
they say we shouldn't live for others, and i agree. so i won't shortchange myself in any way. i want to do what i like and what interests me. so i'll find some way to squeeze everything into a frame that will satisfy everyone. or the majority. and hopefully that includes my Lord - but if it doesn't please Him, i'll definitely allow Him to change my will according to His and walk the path He has chosen for me.
but anw, before that day comes, here is my fantastic list that might not be so fantastic to you:
To Jenny:
Reasons to be happy and sane:-
1) You have chosen exciting and new subjects for the next two yrs, including media studies and japanese, which you have regretted 3yrs for dropping it when you were takin it.
2) You are working on The Magicator Bk2, which is coming along great except for a few minor probs that shall not be named here. It will be another exciting read for your supporters - few, yes, but supporters nevertheless - and you will be happy because they are happy.
3) You have found inspiration from your new churchie, stephanie, and you want to start drawing again (not that you ever did) - anime characters in particular. And you dream of the day when you can realistically draw out the characters in your own book.
4) You are now immensely drawn to taiwan idol series and are having the time of your life watching the shows on youtube (your first best friend now, rmb? and TP is your second best friend. dont you DARE forget that).
The list of shows you can watch is as follows:
=>Tokyo Juliet (currently)
=>Hana kimi (waiting for next ep to load)
=>It Started With A Kiss
=>Hana Yori Dango (jap version of meteor garden)
And more recommendations to come.
Oh, and you can always check out some animes while you're at drawing. TP, if you're reading, pls recommend some animes to jenny. you know she's a couch potato when it comes to finding resources.
5) Due to the idea of media studies classes and the possibilty of joining the film club in your new school, you have a new vision of your future, a dream that you only dreamt of. You are also intrigued by the works of the movie world and you know you enjoy watching the behind-the-scene works. You yearn to be part of such a team and so you hope to join the media industry in future. Hopefully, one day, you can write and produce your own movie or tv series. But you know also that your roots are still in Asia and you feel more attracted to its culture, and not so much of all that Hollywood glitter.
6) When school reopens in a mth, you will make frens with all sorts of ppl from all over the world. Unlike in nanyang, you will actually be able to meet ppl of other races and cultures. An inspiration for a new story might just come out from there.
7) You are feeling recharged and ready to combat the new term with its homework and tests. You have set your eyes on gettin a scholarship after 2yrs in your new school and that is also your dad's vision for you. Hopes are high, so are the stakes. You have betted your future on a career path that is non stereotypical. It might or might not work out and you could wake up one day in your bed, lose your passion, and realise you've accomplished nothing. So it's all the way with it, or nothing at all.
8) You are inspired by the culture of this new land and you want to do your best in all areas. You want to start practising your piano and take up dance classes, which is your one big passion that'll never die. And you also want to pick up the pen and start writing songs again. Chinese songs, obviously. You need all the practise you can get in this foreign land.
9) Because you want to do your best to keep up your Chinese standard - no matter how poor it is - you also want to try your hand at writing chinese novels, those simple romance sort, about high school girls and their unrealistic dreams. In addition to that, to your own disbelief, you are willing to start reading the entire history of China - all 5000 years. (yes, you did say that. at dinner ytd.)
10) You have never been down for too long and your friends in singapore all believe in you. You mustn't let them down. And your family too. You have God on your side and nothing is more powerful than that. You only need to ask and it will be given. You have found a new church with lotsa really funny friends who will give you support when you need them. A new life isn't a bad thing. You are standing on a platform that is one step closer to the life God has planned for you. So wipe those grey clouds from your eyes and put on a smile, you
bai chi!
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hey that was pretty good. it's my best effort so far to reorganise my life. for those who dont know me well, i do this frequently when im not in the best of spirits. yepp, this is one very encouraging list for me. i feel i can live with this list forever. maybe i'll print it out and paste it in my room to remind myself everyday. then i'll always be smiley and positive ^0^
hmm.
... ...
darn. i was almost convinced.
tranquility ; 12/28/2006 12:23:00 pm.
