22.1.07
(before i officially start this entry, i'll just like to let everyone know that if you tag on my tagboard, i'll reply on your blog in return, and not on my tagboard. i think it's more convenient this way for everyone.
coz sometimes when i tag on someone's blog and she replies on her tagboard, if i dont visit for a some time, the next time i check back, my tag (and her reply) would be pushed so far down that i have to click "older msgs". so i'll prefer to tag back on ur blog, unless u have none, then i'll just reply on my taggie.)
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it's been exactly 24hrs since the most recent badminton session. and my mood hasn't improved a bit. ok maybe just a weensy bit. but thats only coz i busy myself so much i dont have time to think.
for those reading abt my exciting weekly badminton sessions for the first time, i'll just fill you in on the basic details:
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
it is held every sunday night, at st thomas college (spelling error?). it is organised by the church and the number of players who turn up every wk ranges from 16-20. and their ages range from 13-40+.
the pros tend to play tournaments in the first two courts. the intermediate will take the third, and the amateurs (such as yours truly) will be playing in the last.
there is a riccaton gang, labelled by jenny as the riccaton badminton alliance. they are one mean, smashing team of pros. all from the riccaton high school badminton team. there are 5 of them currently, more to come as the summer hols are ending.
there is supposed to be a burnside alliance too (jamie and i are supposed to be in it since we're due to start in that sch in 2wks time). but the members had gone back to taiwan for the holiday. so jenny is currently anxiously waiting for the return of her unknown alliance members, who will, hopefully, join forces with her so she doesnt look so weak and pathetic in front of the other party.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
yea ok enough of the crap talk.
truth be told, one burnside member was there ytd. he's called peter (i think) and he's pretty good even after a long break from badminton. as i'd hoped, he was nice and played with us amateurs. i hope even more that all burnside seniors will be as nice as him. if so, my days of worries are over.
so anw. thats not the main point actually.
main point is, i was forced into an tournament (with dad as my team mate) against The Twins.
DA DA DA DA!!!(imagine dramatic music at this point)
so, like, you would know The Twins are one major part of the riccaton alliance. they're so pro together there are no words to describe them. older one is jason, younger is vincent. both cool, both pro.
and on the other hand, there's my wonderful dad, who can take on the 17 yr old twins, not with ease, but with relative power.
and partnering him is...
jenny.
the amateur.
excuse me. the picture is wrong here!!
i told dad i can't do it. i cant even use my backhand right yet. but he was eager to play another match before the stadium closed. and the pros on the benches were all takin their rightful break. so that left me.
i walked towards the court (no,actually,i was wobbling there) and i whined quietly to dad to tell him im not ready for this big thing. i mean, yea, i played against jason once (no need to mention i'd lost pathetically), but never against TWO of them.
but what do you know.
dad dad that FIRE in his eyes. like, seriously, really fierce and raging. like,
show some back bone or you'll get it when we get home. dad wouldn't let me be a quitter. but honestly, i knew i couldnt be his partner. i'll just fail him terribly. but he seemed so confident i could do it that i just went on court.
so the game began.
and thats when the problem comes in.
he keeps bossying me and ordering me to stand right in front of the net to hit the short distance ones. but he forgets that my reaction is not as fast as the pros and short distance ones require alot of quick reflex. which i sadly lack.
he was so focused on the game that i could feel the disapproval radiating from him whenever i miss a shot or hit the cock in the wrong direction. he was being absolutely critical of me and i felt worse and worse by the second.
i tried to put up some sort of fight, but it was draining. The Twins weren't even tryin their best and you can so tell they're going easy on the weeny amateur starin in their faces.
it got to a point whereby no one was even telling me the score and The Twins weren't even bothered whats their score. They just played real casually and i was just so embarrassed but angered at the same time.
it was downright insulting.
behind me was dad naggin at me, telling me how i should hold the racket, what i'd done wrong just now, where i should serve to, where i should stand... and in front of me were The Twins, playing like it was second nature to them (which, i think, it was).
do u understand how i felt?
of course you dont.
you'd think im being oversensitive.
but how would you feel if your dad was always disappointed in ur playin skills even though you'd improved a hell lot over 3wks?
how would you feel if you had to play in a tournament against two pros because you secretly wanted to prove to ur dad that you CAN play well but in actual fact you embarrassed yourself beyond humanity and caused your dad to lose the game by a large margin?
and not to mention ur dad is someone who treats a game like a matter of life and death and when he is into the game, he forgets who he is playing with, playing against, and playing for.
so by losing the game for him, it's a terrible blow for him.
but it's worse for you because you know you have done ur best, and you feel like you actually did really well, but his silence denied all ur efforts and hard work.
but above all, how would you feel if your secret aim was to improve so much that you could match up to the pros and make ur dad feel proud, and you keep waiting to hear someone comment on how much u've improved and how well you played, but then nothing was said and everyone is silent after playing with you, except a polite word of "thanks for the game"?
how would you feel?im not sayin i suck at badminton. i can hit the shuttlecocks most of the times and im improving alot in terms of power and agility. i would think dad would've said sth abt my skills at this point of time. but no.
he's too focused on the lost game and the fact that i cant win any games.
and worse of all, jamie pointed out last night that she had won every doubles with catherine. and i said thats becoz catherine is a pro from the riccaton alliance. and jamie said, "yea, but you lost that match when you partnered with her right?"
i dont think jamie realises the impact of the words she spoke. i dont know what she was really tryin to say. maybe she was tryin to tell me it's not catherine that won the game, but she
and catherine.
but then again, her reply to me made me feel alot worse than what i already felt. it's like im not just an amateur. im an amateur doomed to fail anyone who dares partner me.
hell. oh, no, God forbids. just step away from jenny. she never wins any match.
it shouldn't matter too much, really.
but u dont understand my dad.
sports is his LIFE.
he wants us, his family, to enjoy sports. but im telling you. to him, sports is more than just an enjoyment. when he plays, he really competes. and he puts his heart and soul into the game. which is good, really, but im not sure i like it that way.
becoz when he's like that, it's like as his daughter, i have to do equally well in sports. i feel the pressure and it's suffocating. he doesnt mean it that way, im sure, but it's just an effect on me.
he's really impressed by The Twins and ppl like catherine. you can just tell. the way his eyes shine whenever he's up against one of them and always telling me to learn from catherine and surpass her one day.
well, yea, im sorry im not as good as some ppl, dad. thats just too bad for u, isnt it.
i'm going to keep trying, but not for you anymore, dad. coz im sick and tired of always tryin my best for you.
i would feel sorry for myself. sorry that i have to bear the humiliation of playing against the pros, waste the time, and having them go easy on me. and sorry that at the same time i have to face your critical eyes.
but i wont. coz God has blessed me with many other good things. and i wont let some stupid badminton match get me down.
so there.
tranquility ; 1/22/2007 01:18:00 pm.
