8.3.07
", it's not what it seems."im here to declare something once and for all.
IAMNOTINLOVE.hmm yea that was eye catching enough.
ok i know the poems and 暧昧hidden messages are kindda strange, and everyone reading (yes you too, jamie) are guessing stuffs.
i am not a shallow despo kid who is insanely in love with anyone.
i am well focused on my studies, trying to do my best to please my parents, do my daily Quiet Time, and not get distracted by the temptations of this world.
you're probably thinking i've changed (or am changing) because the ang moh culture is like this and like that.
but no.
im interacting and socialising with asians who share the same values and beliefs as anyone in hcmc yf and my clique in ny.
i am still the same kid.
the kid with feelings.
some of what i have written are very personal stuffs and i am forced to use nicknames and sometimes just a general "You" to protect the identity of the actual character and also avoid unnecessary questions from readers.
im really glad there are ppl reading abt my life here in nz.
i feel responsible for updating you nice ppl and so i try to post as frequently as possible.
but i beg for your understanding and be sensitive towards what im feeling too.
the first part of the my posts are always daily stuffs and usually nothing serious.
the last section is what i call my emo space.
where i write irrationally and on impulses whenever im emo-ing.
so pls read and forget when it comes to that particular section.
or better still, just skip it.
you may not know it,
but as much as ur tags please me,
it's disturbing when you ask too personal questions
that even i cant answer.
so pls,
dont judge me.
dont guess and imagine whats happening to me.
dont even tell me what not to do.
you've got no idea whats happening.
dont read my posts with all kinds of opinions in your mind which u think are better than how im handling stuffs now.
dont read my posts while thinking
this is so lame, so stupid, so childish.
dont read my posts while thinking of me as the girl u last saw.
i am still the same jenny, yet i have changed.
truth is, no on really knows what im going through.
my posts are just a small percentage of what is actually going on.
我的内心世界是无法以言语来形容的.
im sorry, im not pissed.
i am just really confused about what im going through now too.
i cant answer any questions and the inner jenny doesnt want to be interrogated.
it's all very strange for me too and im trying to slowly sort out my thoughts.
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Jamie,i know you're very concerned abt me.
dont worry, im fine.
you know me,
jenny always butts her way out of all kinds of nonsense no matter what.
im sorry im not telling you certain stuffs.
we've always shared all our secrets and thoughts.
but this time it's different.
and the time isnt right to tell you yet.
it's nth serious, you might even find it absurdly childish and stupid.
but still, it's weird for me and i'll like some time to let things settle down.
i've gotten to a stage in life whereby i have to seriously start thinking abt life.
whereas u're still in ur early teens.
i know u'll understand that there are some things i cannot even tell you.
Stephany,it's really great that we're taking the same boat together.
and im glad u're here to share all these crap with me.
ganbatte for ur YKW.
and get well soon u lamo.
YY,it's so not cool that im on the boat and u're on the shore.
you can only hear me if i yell really loud.
but you never turn your head away when i do.
thanks for that.
Vic,the newest and cutest friend i've made in christchurch.
thanks for listening and accompanying me in school.
it's awesome that u've sorted out ur thoughts and feelings.
now it's my turn.
Xia Zi,you promised you wouldnt beat yourself up.
i'll hold you to that.
dont ever let me see depressing msn nicks no more.
seeya on saturday.
Lucier,get the message will ya.
i dont like you.
i had no intention of even befriending you.
but now that we are friends,
it's not in my nature to ignore you.
so pls just stop on your own accord.
tranquility ; 3/08/2007 11:53:00 am.
