17.3.07
", I SHALL NOT CONFORM. ohmann who am i trying to kid..."tennis was ok.
dance was ok.
dinner was ok.
the entire day was ok.
as in, nth unexpected happened.
it was expected that he wouldnt turn up.
expected (and prayed for) that it wouldnt rain or be too hot.
expected that the dance would be cool and fun to learn.
expected that dinner would be good.
hmm but i guess if i think hard enough, there are unexpected thoughts that jumped to my mind today.
like during dance, i realise u can actually learn alot abt someone from the way he/she behaves in front of a grp and his/her attitude towards things.
and i mean that in a negative way.
why are the ppl around me starting to seem so imperfect and unlike what i thought they were...?
i know everyone is imperfect.
i just detest myself for trusting and believing in the goodness of ppl so easily.
and also seeing their dark side so easily.
i'd rather be a fool till the end of my life, believing the world is beautiful and everyone has a heart of gold.
but no.
i get taken in for a short while, then reality comes in slowly and i see through the disguise of all things.
yet i continue to choose to play the fool.
smile and pretend i still think the world's beautiful and we're all angels.
i wonder why.
maybe ignoring the ugly things in life will help me see what i want to see.
maybe repeatedly telling myself "we're all imperfect and sinful human beings" will stop me from being bothered by the true nature of my friends here.
maybe doing QT everyday will help me love all of them despite them being who they are (this has worked before for me).
maybe one day God will let me know why so many young christians are not portraying christ-like characteristics.
and they're not even trying.
i guess i've been blessed with so many nice friends that i've forgotten how it feels like to meet "unlovable ppl", as the bible calls them.
but problem is, only i seem to find some ppl unlovable... the rest of the world seems to think they are genuinely sweet.
so whatever.
it's just crummy jenny's problem.
gosh i just hate long, silent and depressing nights...
tranquility ; 3/17/2007 02:54:00 pm.