28.4.07
", the sun is shining in my world.!"these few days it's been raining and the skies are cloudy and grey.
but my world is sunny.
but when i think abt us going to universities, i get really sad.
i dont know whats gonna happen in the future and even though i say i gladly follow God's will, it still takes patience and faith to figure out where He wants me to go and what to do next.
in case u're thinking the wrong thing, jenny is not in any relationship except for friendship.
whats happening is...
well, there's this guy in church whom i met abt 4 mths ago.
basically.. well, yea, he sort of caught my attn.
so that period of time when i got all depressed and emo on the blog?
earlier this yr?
yea, it's coz of him.
i didnt know what i was feeling.
and i felt really lost.
and the frustrating thing was, he never seem to ever look at girls.
or expressed any emotions.
or any thoughts.
he's like a typical sports geek who studies real hard.
these 4 mths have been a bumpy emotional roller coaster ride.
sometimes i feel like we have sth special in our friendship.
sometimes i dont.
then after camp, which was only last wk, it happened.
it happened just a few nights ago actually.
we were talking on msn and he made it clear who he likes.
and i told him how i felt too.
so that night, two ppl were deliriously happy.
thing is, i dont think this is just a casual crush or liking.
we're both serious.
i know thats what every teenage couple says, but we both love God and we both want to do whats right as good christians.
we both want to build each other up and we both know now's not the time.
so in a way, i dont like to classify this as a teenage crush.
it's funny really...
half a yr ago, yulan gave me a book called Boy Meets Girl, which talks abt dating and stuff, from a christian's p.o.v.
at that time i read it and felt v.inspired, but at the same time, thought, "gosh, thats not gonna happen to me, is it? like find a guy who really loves God, his family and friends, and me?"
but now it's happened.
and TP's really happy for me.
so are u guys.
but then... what now?
he's going to university next yr, probably remaining in christchurch.
and me, im going to university the yr after next, most definitely going out of christchurch.
im afraid, confused and worried.
i dont want all these to end before it even starts.
what is God's will for me?
what am i supposed to do?
i want to talk to my parents..
i tell them everything..
but bgr matters are so complicated.
i dont know if they will understand.
because this time... it's different.
i dont think there's anyone else i know who is in my situation...
good friends who like each other and both parties know it...
they pray together, share problems, respect each other physically and emotionally...
yet they arent in a relationship...
God, pls guide me in this matter.
im going to talk to the youth counsellor in church abt this soon.
guide me and help me know what to say to her.
Amen.
tranquility ; 4/28/2007 05:27:00 pm.
