19.10.08
don't know if anyone will see this,
but it's a relief to some extent,
to be able to write freely where few visit.
my other blog is becoming slightly saturated,
and it is in times like this that i remember this small,
tiny, private haven of mine.
it reflects the life i have known in sg,
the days of irrational rebellion and passion.
i went back to the yf blog just now,
and i teared, reading yulan's entries.
those spiritual words of inspiration,
they are so familiar,
so long lost in my life now.
here, no one really speaks like that.
we don't have daoshis in yf,
we have two counsellors,
but they are too busy to really spend time with us.
the uni and high sch students lead two separate lives.
one is infatuated with bgr and the superficial,
the other is more mature and fun.
the latter remind me of the daoshis in hcmc yf.
spiritual, yet sassy,
mature, yet monkey-ish.
it feels really good to hang out with ppl like u guys.
its like taking a long, blissful bath in a thermal spring during the icy winter.
a few weeks ago i was spiritually low,
like you wouldn't believe.
man, even i couldnt believe myself.
i didn't do my QT for 2 wks, probably 3.
its shocking, i know.
and i feel the effect, trust me i did.
i feel satan's attacks on me constantly,
but the preacher talked abt Job today,
and i feel inspird, even comforted, by God.
i felt like he was saying to me,
"good on you, jenny,
you've gone through all that rubbish,
yet u've never abandoned me.
you might have complained,
you might have wondered where i am,
you might even have stopped reading my word.
but deep down,
u still held fast to me,
trusting that our relatioship will hold fast.
well done, jenny."
i want to please God.
i know i have built a relationship with him,
and even if i cant feel it at times,
i know its there.
i've been through so much with him,
its not possible for me to turn away.
to whom shall i go too, even if i do?
he is the only God,
the only one who has saved me.
it is his for the giving,
and his for the taking.
tranquility ; 10/19/2008 06:54:00 pm.
