22.12.08
Still in Beijing.
Been busy training with jamie coz dad got us a professional coach and we have training everyday in addition to our own practise sessions outside class.
i admit it was gruelling the first few lessons, i couldn't take the physical workout and the coach's high standards.
i was so close to quitting two days ago becoz i felt it was pointless for me to train any further.
i didn't just want to quit training, i wanted to give up bmt altogether and pick up another sport.
but then i knew in my heart that God doesn't want me to quit, because "Quitting Is Not The Christian Way.
That has been my motto for the past 2 yrs or so.
God is faithful to those who trusts in him.
Just when i was mullng over the matter in my heart, hesitant of whether i shld continue with the training, God brought me to meet one of my cousins who is studying at the number one uni in Beijing.
He is the same age as me, currently in his sophomore yr of uni.
he came from the same village as dad and grew up in a humble environment, but he graduated from high sch with a score high enough to allow him to come to Beijing to study.
he also got a scholarship that settled his financial difficulties.
Meeting him was the spark that inspired me to continue with training.
I saw how determined and focused he is, even in uni when he has other activities and a whole lot of electives to do he never thinks abt giving up.
Looking at how far he has come, and then looking at myself, i feel a sudden determination to be strong and keep on going.
When i was in sec 1, i gave up Japanese after half a yr.
When i was in sec 3, i gave up Chinese Dance because i couldn't take the physical hardship.
When i came to NZ, i gave up Sciences because i found interest in the arts and humanity.
It seems all my life i have been giving up, but this has to end somewhere.
I won't give up bmt, because it may prove to be the only thing i can persevere with and come through a stronger person.
God never allows us to be tempted beyond what we can endure.
I know the devil is trying its hardest to tempt me into depression and denial again, but my strength is in the Lord and i know i can make it.
Hope is trust in the Lord, knowing that he has plans for me.
The results for my uni applications are slowly but surely being revealed.
I am waiting with much anticipation and anxiety.
I dare not wish to be in a place without considering God's will for me, dare not think abt being in a place without being sure that is where i am meant to be.
Each time i think, "surely so-and-so uni will accept me", i stop myself and say, "no, God can change even the surest matters."
Being in Beijing has humbled me greatly, i have been broken and lifted up. I have learnt to trust even in the smallest matter.
I have also, to my own surprise, learnt to think and reflect in quietness, to stay silent and listen for God's voice.
In the past i always thought i have to share my problems with someone else to solve it, tell my problems to the world, discuss it with some guru.
But now i realise i can do it without telling a single soul, i can think things through not by my own strength and wisdom but by God's purest guidance.
Praise the Lord, for he is truly worthy.
tranquility ; 12/22/2008 03:58:00 pm.
